Road Trip, Interrupted
by Viv1
Summary: Cordelia and Angel go on a vision free road trip - but a vision hits and they are forced to detour to Sunnydale. C/A Romance, with S/B Romance and B/A Friendship. Part 15 has been added which means that this story has finally been COMPLETED!
1. Part 1

road ****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By [Viv][1]

****

INFO & DISCLAIMER

CATEGORY: C/A Friendship/Romance; B/A Friendship  
  
SPOILERS/SEASON INFO: General Angel Season 2, Buffy Season 5.  
  
ARCHIVE: Please contact me first! Mostly I'm going to agree.  
  
SUMMARY: Cordelia and Angel go on a vision free road trip -- but a vision  
hits and they are forced to detour to Sunnydale.  
  
DISCLAIMER: All characters on 'Angel' and 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" that  
appear in this story are owned soley and exclusively by Mutant Enemy,  
Twentieth Century and Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt, etc  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Set about two months after Buffy's resurrection. Also  
contains some spoilers I've heard about Angel Season 3, don't know whether  
it's true. Be warned!

****

*~*~ PART ONE ~*~*

Cordelia's lips pursed tightly as she contemplated the bedraggled form of Angel in front of her. His shoulders were slumped with fatigue and the normally brooding vampire was taking in deep breaths in an attempt to recover his strength. Dried blood was beginning to congeal on his forehead and he repeatedly blinked trickles of perspiration out of his eyes as it rained down all over his body. 

"Get in." 

"Cordy ..." He protested before he checked himself. He realised that now was probably not the most appropriate time to debate the issue with his determined seer - particularly with the steely gaze that had fixed itself on her vibrantly beautiful face. "Ah ..."

She came around to stand behind him and roughly pushed him forward. Keeping her hands on his back, she forcefully propelled him to the large bed in the centre of the room. 

"Don't argue with me vamp boy." With rustling quickness that belied her fatigue she stripped off his blood splattered duster and dumped it on the floor, before giving him a final push onto the bed. 

Angel's half-hearted moan of protest was muffled as his face came in contact with the mattress. He had just enough energy to muster out a few words before descending into unconsciousness. "Cordy you okay? ... Don't want to bleed ... too much ... on the bed. Nice ..." 

Cordy looked sympathetically down at Angel's prone form, her body beginning to droop from exhaustion from the night's battles. She gasped as she felt a tiny river of blood trickle over her eyes, before using a nearby rag to wipe it away in disgust. 

She couldn't believe it. This was supposed to be a holiday, dammit! A holiday from the demon infested city of angels, also known as the wacky world of Los Angeles. A break from demon slaying, from mind numbing, bone crunching vision headaches, from ... well, everything! She was so sick of this, so sick of the perpetuity of the fight against evil, the constant big bads and most of all, the outrageously large dry cleaning bills. Why couldn't she have a normal life for once? A normal fighting demons kinda life with her four friends, making L.A safer from all things icky and supernatural? Was that _too _much to ask from the Powers That Be?

She wasn't an unreasonable person, not really. Was it too much to ask for a break? A small holiday, like what normal Joe and his family with their 2.8 kids take every couple of years to revitalise their body, to keep in touch with their inner moppet? No. Definitely not. And was it too much to ask not to be interrupted from that said holiday, even though she had practically kidnapped Angel into taking it with her? No. It wasn't. Not at all! 

Cordelia sighed. She didn't want to waste needless energy ranting at the Powers That Be, especially now with a bruised and bloodied Angel lying spread eagled on the bed in front of her. Not that that was a bad thing in most situations; but this was not one of them. Her eyes lingered slightly on his form before she hopped off the bed in search for a basin and some clean bandages. It looked like she had to play Florence Nightingale again, and even though her mind was growing foggy with exhaustion, she knew she had to patch Angel up before drifting off into mindless oblivion for the night. God knew why she thought she had to; after all, the best thing about the whole vamp deal was the supernatural healing thing, but Cordelia could never bring herself to just leave Angel unattended like that. Somehow it seemed amoral, leaving Angel to bleed out from wherever he was hurt. 

So she cared - so what? Big deal. 

Cordelia quickly filled the basin she found from the kitchen with water before returning to the room. God. Some trip this was turning out to be. All she had wanted was a holiday, an all American all expenses paid road trip, and -- was that so wrong? She was an American dammit! And she was young and adventurous, and Americans who were young and adventurous liked and hell, _needed _road trips! So what if she basically cajoled and wheedled and finally blackmailed Angel into taking it with her? It wasn't as if she could've gone on a road trip _by herself_! She wasn't trying to find her inner self, she wanted to have fun! And as much _fun _as Wesley and Gunn's bickering and Fred's zany sense of humour were, fun was where Angel was and dammit, she needed him to have fun! So what if she pulled the vision girl card on him? It was all in the spirit of -- fun. 

Plus he paid for everything. Which only added to the fun. 

Cordelia sighed as she set the basin down on the night table. Angel was still lying on the bed and resembled a pole-axed cow, which would've been quite funny if not for the whole bleeding on the bed part. She pursed her lips again as she contemplated his form before attempting to single-handedly roll him over onto his back. 

She pushed. She shoved. She even tried pulling him over from the other side of the bed -- but to no avail. She had no idea he was this heavy to lift. What did the man have for breakfast -- oh yeah, nothing. Just the blood. Great. Suddenly what Cordelia had previously admired as Angel's impressively toned, amazingly sculpted bulk of a body had just turned into ordinary bulk -- lots and lots of it. 

What the heck was she supposed to do? She couldn't roll the stupid vampire over to take off his shirt. If she couldn't take off his shirt she couldn't clean and dress his wounds. And if she couldn't clean and dress his wounds she wouldn't be able to take a shower to get all the demon yuck off her, and if she couldn't take a shower to get the demon yuck off her she couldn't ever _sleep_!

Okay, she admonished herself. Breathe. In. Out. God, she hated those stupid, good for nothing PTBs, and so help them God when she gets her hands on them --

Suddenly Cordelia sucked in a deep breath. She took a run off toward Angel, launching herself against his prone body and pushed -- hard. She grunted and sweated and finally -- the vampire's inert bulk began to shift. Slowly, with almost inhuman strength, Cordelia was able to roll Angel over so that he was lying on his back. 

Sweating profusely and breathless from the effort, Cordelia took a long moment to gather her strength back. Broody boy sure was heavy. 

Without worrying about propriety she straddled Angel's unconscious form, unbuttoning his shirt and carefully peeling the soft material off the now crusty wounds over his torso. She grabbed the basin of water and the clean bandages from the side table and began cleaning the blood off. 

God. She was practically giving Angel a sponge bath now. Not that _this _wasn't fun ... well, it would probably have been a lot better if he had been awake to enjoy it. Not that he would've enjoyed it anyway after being gutted by a demon and all, but the whole point of this road trip thing was that _she _have fun, and guess what? In a twisted 'only on the Hellmouth' sense she was having fun because here she was straddling Angel, his shirt off, not even protesting in his usual broody boy way of his as cold water trickled down his pale body giving Cordelia enough views of his luscious form to last her a life time, and that was saying something considering the lusciousness of his form -- 

-- And never mind that Angel, her bestest vampire friend in the whole world, was lying unconscious from the wounds he'd received for protecting her. Never mind that this was, in fact, all the stupid PTB's fault for making them stop -- in Sunnyhell of all places -- just so they could help the Scoobies stop a little demon uprising that threatened the world once again, and didn't those demon types get tired of trying to end the world anyway? 

She sighed. Cordelia quickly dressed Angel's wounds, stifling several yawns in the process. Luckily for her, she hadn't actually been driving when the vision express hit or else she'd be in a hospital even now. But Angel nearly had a coronary -- he almost always did when he saw blood trickling from her nose post-vision, which it did more often than not and which she privately considered yet another sign of the debilitating effect the visions were having on her. 

He had pulled over quickly and before she knew it he was digging around the glove box trying to find her medication. Which was totally sweet of him -- the being prepared for her vision thing, even though she had point blank told him she wasn't going to have visions during her _vision free _vacation, and the Powers better listen up because she wasn't going to put up with their crap for two weeks. And what did she know? Barely one hour into her self-professed vision free vacation the stupid vision had hit. 

What was worse than having a vision during her -- and she couldn't stress this enough -- vision free vacation, was that the vision involved everything she had wanted so badly to avoid for two weeks. Demons. Magic. Swirly lights. Portals. 

And one deceptively skinny, newly resurrected from the dead Slayer. 

Cordelia groaned even now as she carefully patted down her handiwork, satisfied that the bandages would hold until she had the compulsion to redress them. What was stupid about the whole vision thing, beside actually having the damn visions in the first place, was that it led them to straight to Sunnyhell itself. So what if they had been going in that general direction anyway? It wasn't that she hated the Scoobies, or the Slayer ... it was just that she hated the place. Bad memories and all that, and she had never wanted to go back to that one Starbucks town. Angel hadn't been all that keen either, even though it'd meant that he could see Buffy again, which so didn't make sense since she'd just dropped by a month ago with a 'Surprise, I'm totally alive' message that took her and the others about a two days to get over, and took Angel about a week to get over before he was fawning all over her. She guessed she shouldn't have been surprised though, 'cause if _she _thought her long lost eternal love was dead and he totally came back to life, she'd be all eager to drop by too, Hellmouth or not. 

Okay the snarkiness wasn't helping. Cordelia didn't really have anything against Buffy. Even though a tiny part of her had been way jealous about Angel's reaction to the Slayer and for basically ignoring her for the entire week Buffy was in town, she was just glad that he was back to becoming his old broody self again. It was just in time too. After the Himalayan monastery debacle she, Wes, Gunn and Fred had had to endure endless renditions of Barry, last name Manilow -- so much so that even _she _could now sing both Mandy and Copacabana off by heart which totally did nothing for her mental well-being _at all_. 

Suddenly she caught herself wondering what Angel would've looked like with all his perfectly gelled hair shaven off and dressed in one of those Dalai Lama outfits. 

Shaking off the disturbing mental imagery, Cordelia got up off Angel and sighed loudly for dramatic effect. Her face screwed in disgust as she saw the bloodied water swirling around in the basin. She felt sick. She was tired, and sick, and she so badly needed a shower. 

Pausing on her way to the bathroom, she scrutinised Angel as he lay in restful slumber. Even though he didn't strictly breathe, Cordelia was somehow able to sense that he was a lot more comfortable now. In less pain. She smiled before giving him a light thump on his thigh. 

"Big baby." She smiled indulgently as she trotted off to her long, hot shower. 

***

Cordelia towelled herself off hazily as she made her way out of the steam filled bathroom. Much as she would have loved to luxuriate in a hot bath the entire night soaking all the demon guck away, there came a point when she had to leave. That point being when her skin had started turning all wrinkly and grandma looking, which was a sight too gross to even contemplate, much less see. 

Cordelia paused as she once again passed Angel's slumbering form. He hadn't moved an inch since she had deposited herself in the bathroom, and it didn't seem likely that he would move the rest of the night. Which was okay of course, since this was his room and his mansion and all. 

She planted herself on the edge of the bed beside him and glanced around the room. Unlike his suite in L.A, his old room at the mansion was totally Spartan by comparison. There wasn't anything around that could remotely be construed as personal; no cheap art deco paintings or medieval weaponry or portraits or pictures or books. Nothing. It was as if he hadn't existed at all in Sunnydale outside of the fact that he actually walked and talked. She began to see what it must've been like for him, being on the outside of everything the Scoobies did. Not that Cordelia didn't know what _that _felt like, but at least she sort of had other friends and family around, although they didn't help much in the end. He must have been so lonely, with nobody besides Buffy that he could've turned to. 

Cordelia lightly brushed a hand down his pale cheek, careful not disturb him. The moonlight streaming in through the heavy curtains cast an eerie yet gentle glow on his face, illuminating the startling yet boyish features of her best friend as he lay peacefully on the bed. It had been a long time since Cordelia had even noticed Angel's features -- hell, it had been a long time since she had even been in a position to do so. 

She got up and gently rolled the comforter on top of him, and yawned. God, she was so damn tired. The sight of Angel sleeping peacefully on the bed called to her and before she knew it she had tumbled backwards onto the bed, surrendering herself to the bliss of dreamless sleep. 

(c) September 2001

   [1]: mailto:vivngan@iname.com



	2. Part 2

road2 ****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By [Viv][1]

****

*~*~ PART TWO ~*~*

Angel sensed rather than saw the sunlight that streamed through the tiny slit of the heavy curtains and onto the smooth floor beside his bed. He frowned, his eyes still shut, trying to clear away the foggy vestiges of rare, peaceful sleep. He couldn't remember how he had gotten back to his mansion after the battle last night -- the last thing he could discern from the hazy cacophony of images inside his head was being painfully skewered by a demon. 

But somehow he was here. As he slowly opened his eyes he became aware of a warm, intoxicating fragrance drifting just underneath his nose, tantalising his sensitive vampiric senses -- and then he knew. 

He had his arms lightly wrapped around Cordelia's warm, pulsating body; encircling her waist in what in his sleep qualified for a gentle embrace. His head was dipped into the crook of her neck and one of his legs was sprayed unruly on top of one of hers. For a moment Angel was lost in the sheer contentment of being so utterly close to his seer, a closeness that he had been missing for many months. 

Angel's expression of contentment was transformed into one of concern as Cordelia moaned in her sleep, her normally radiant face contorted into one of agony. He instinctively tightened his grip on his beautiful friend, frustration once again coursing through his body as he reflected on the utter injustice of life. How could the Powers That Be allow an innocent girl to suffer through these horrific visions day after day, just so that _he _could fight the forces of darkness? He knew that he deserved to be confronted with all the horrors the Powers could heap on him, but what about Cordelia? She had nothing to atone for. 

Angel sighed softly, unneeded breath escaping from his lips to lightly tickle Cordelia's hair. No, it wasn't fair that Cordelia had the visions that were meant to help him, but neither he nor anyone else could do anything about it. All Angel could do was to promise her that he would always be there by her side, protecting her from harm. 

He felt Cordelia stirring, her heartbeat quickening as she drifted into consciousness. Without turning around she greeted him softly. "Hey." 

Angel responded with a gentle squeeze of her waist. "Hey." She shifted again and he loosened his hold, his arms instinctively retreating from her body. 

"No. It's nice." Her voice was raspy but gentle, a result of the weariness of sleep. "This is nice." She clarified. 

He allowed his arms to encircle her again as he breathed in deeply, her scent giving him a moment of heady contentment. If only life could always be like this, a moment of utter peace spent in the company of a true friend, with no conflict to resolve, no guilt to overcome. It was very nice. 

He exhaled slowly against her skin. 

"Tickles." He could almost hear her smile, and he couldn't resist smiling back. 

He allowed himself once more to feel the unique tranquillity of the moment as he drifted back to sleep.

***

Buffy Summers was in a funny mood. Not funny ha ha, but funny peculiar. And it was all due to the expected arrival of her ex-honey Angel and his seer, the ex-cheerleader Cordelia Chase. 

Here she was, newly resurrected from wherever she had been after she had died, coping with the huge changes that stemmed from being not-dead. Immediately after her resurrection she had been truly angry at the world. 

She had wanted to stay dead dammit, to be released from the agony of the day to day existence of a Slayer. One who had been called upon to sacrifice her lover, her fellow Slayer, her sister -- all in the name of saving the world. She had been sick of it -- the fight with no end, and she had been truly glad to go. 

No one knew why or how she had been granted yet another get out of jail free card; they had just been glad she was back and that she wasn't some weird demon slash vampire slash whatever else incarnation of good Buffy. After a while, when she had grown accustomed to the idea, she had gradually been glad too. Glad for a second, or third chance as the case may be, to spend with Dawn and her friends. To see Dawn growing up, to see the domestic felicity of Xander and Anya's engagement, to see Willow's powers growing steadily and the love she shared with Tara, to see Giles finally able to get on with his own life. Hell, she was even glad to see Spike who, even after her resurrection, kept his promise to protect Dawn until 'the end of the world'. 

Things were finally settling down for her after a hectic couple of months, running around to tell people that 'surprise, she was alive again' and putting down the standard demon uprisings. And then last night, just as she was on the losing end of a tussle with several demons resembling giant calamari, her ex-lover had stepped in out of nowhere and saved her. 

Questions reverberated around in the silences of Buffy's mind. Like, what the hell was Angel doing here? How did he know that she had been in trouble? And -- what the hell was he doing here?

Even though they had resolved some of the issues hanging between them during her visit to L.A a month ago, there were still vestiges of awkwardness left between them. Things hadn't been said or understood in the happiness of the moment because it had been the wrong time to confront them. She didn't know exactly what these issues were but she sensed somehow that they were still there, still festering. And likewise, she somehow sensed that his dropping in so unexpectedly was not due to mere chance. 

Buffy had grown a lot more intuitive since her resurrection. Dying sometimes did that to people, she thought wryly. 

She glanced sideways at Xander, his attention fixed on the road ahead of them. He had offered to drive her to Angel's mansion on his way to work, knowing that she had been keen to see her former lover again. She didn't know why he offered; she didn't ask. She was just glad that he understood her well enough to instinctively know what she wanted. 

The mansion came into view almost immediately, partially hidden by the overgrowth of trees that served to shelter it from the harsh rays of the sun. Xander quickly parked the car in a secluded spot and killed the engine. 

Both of them continued to stare at the mansion, the soft chirping of birds the only sound surrounding them. 

"So ..." Xander broke the stillness between them with a cheeky grin. "What gives? You ready to see dead boy or not?" 

Buffy smiled back, playfully reprimanding him. "Don't call him that Xander." Her clear blue eyes, darkened since her resurrection, fixed intently on his dark brown ones. "Let's go." 

Buffy couldn't detect any signs of life as they silently made their way to the courtyard of the mansion's entrance. 

"Knock knock!" Xander shouted, but was met with no response. 

Shrugging Buffy tried the heavy wooden door and found that it opened easily to her gentle push. Xander slid the doors closed behind him after they had let themselves in. 

The cool stone interior of the mansion's main living area afforded them shelter from the already searing warmth of the Californian sun. Buffy looked around, briefly allowing the tide of memories to wash over her before shaking them off. Now was not the time to wallow in bad memories. 

"Hello?" Her own voice sounded hollow as it reverberated around the stony silence of the cavernous room. Maybe he wasn't here. But where else could he be? 

She turned to Xander who was standing a few feet away from her, similarly confused. "I'll check the bedroom." 

"I'll check upstairs." 

Smiling at Xander as he made his way up the stairs, Buffy turned around and headed for the bedroom. Turning the door handle, she was greeted with a sight that not in a million years did she ever expect to see. 

***

A slight rustling of the door handle drew Angel out of his half-doze. Cordelia squirmed slightly in his hold but quickly settled down again. Her breathing remained steady and he knew that she was falling in and out of sleep, but that wasn't the movement that had disturbed him. 

He heard a slight creak of the door, followed by a startled gasp behind him. 

Without needing to turn around, he knew. He knew it was Buffy.

And suddenly he also knew that his world just got that much more complicated. 

(c) September 2001

   [1]: mailto:vivngan@iname.com



	3. Part 3

road3 ****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By [Viv][1]

****

*~*~ PART THREE ~*~*

Angel turned around to meet Buffy's gaze, dark blue eyes on intense chocolate ones. "Buffy ..." 

"Oh God." Buffy let out a small gasp before recovering slightly. "Sorry ... I didn't realise ..." She fumbled for the door handle, avoiding his gaze in confusion. "I uh ... I came over to talk ..." Her eyes travelled unwittingly to Cordelia's waking form as she continued on breathlessly. "The ... demon thing - I'll wait outside." With her Slayer strength she practically wrenched the door off its hinges and quickly disappeared from view. 

Buffy tried to remain calm as she paced in front of the dormant fireplace, her mind racing. She had no idea what she had just stumbled into, and she didn't really want to jump to any conclusions. 

Angel and Cordelia? Was it possible? Not that it _wasn't _possible or that it was necessarily a bad thing, but ... Angel and _Cordelia_? It was just so ... strange. And weird. But not necessarily weird bad, it could be weird good, and - and her mind was racing way too much to sound coherent even to her which was some feat considering that this was her brain and everything in it should technically make sense -

"Nothing upstairs." Buffy was jolted momentarily from her confusion as Xander trooped down the stairs, shrugging his shoulders. "Think he and CC's skipped town already?"

His question was answered as Angel charged into the open area, hastily buttoning his shirt in the process. His eyes barely registered the curious presence of Xander Harris before settling on Buffy. "Buffy --" He started.

"No Angel ... you don't have to explain." Buffy had no idea if the thoughts that were forming inside her head were coming out right but she plunged on regardless. "I mean, it's totally none of my business. _Totally _none of my business." She emphasised, wishing herself a million miles away. 

"What's none of your business?" Xander asked, more than a little curious now. Out of all the possible reactions he imagined Buffy to have upon seeing Angel again, he never expected this. Of course, he _was _living on the Hellmouth which meant that he should really get used to expecting the unexpected by now. 

"Hey dead - ah, Angel. How's it going?" Angel was momentarily distracted by Xander's casual greeting. 

"Xander." He paused and checked his own confusion. "What ... what are you doing here?" 

The younger man shrugged. "Came to check in with CC. She around?" 

"She's in the bedroom -" 

Almost on cue Cordelia rushed out of the bedroom, her gaze askance. Her medium length hair had been hurriedly brushed down and she had changed into a more respectable outfit of jeans and tank top. Her hazel eyes lingered on Angel and Buffy before registering Xander's presence. 

"Xander?" 

"Cordy." He threw her an engaging smile. "How's things?" 

"Good." Cordelia responded absent-mindedly, frowning as Angel and Buffy continued to remain immobile, locked in a frozen gaze. 

God this situation was so complicated - and not to mention, way awkward. She and Angel hadn't even done anything but they still had to deal with the fallout. Talking about the total unfairness of things. If she and Angel actually _had _done something, then - She was definitely chalking this disaster to the PTBs. 

She took a deep breath and hoped that Buffy wouldn't be mad enough to stake her on the spot, human or not, or else the PTBs would be paying her workman's comp - big time. "Look Buffy, Angel and I -"

"Cordelia ... You guys don't have to explain ... I mean, I just came to make sure you guys were okay, you know, what with the demon slayage and all ... " 

"Buffy --" Angel started.

Cordelia protested vehemently. "But we weren't doing anything on the bed --"

"Really guys, you _so _don't have to explain, I get it -" 

Xander suddenly caught onto the conversation. "Whoa - what? You and dead boy?" He asked Cordelia incredulously. "You and - Angel?" 

"No!" Angel and Cordelia protested together. 

A moment of tension hung in the air before Cordelia plundered on. "Look Buffy, it's not what you think, really. Not that it'd *_be* _any of your business anyway if it was, but it *_so* _isn't at the moment, and -"

"Cordy," Angel gently cut her off with a light touch on her elbow. "I think maybe Buffy and I need some time alone right now. Could you ...?" 

"Sure." She flipped Angel a tiny smile. "I'll pick up some blood on the way back." Cordelia gave Buffy an awkward wave before locking gazes with Xander, who had begun to resemble a stunned fish. "Take me for a coffee Xander?" 

Without waiting for his incoherent reply she steered him out of the mansion and into the bright Sunnydale sunshine outside. 

***

Buffy stared intently at the fireplace in front of her, trying to somehow wish herself away from the mansion. Far away, away from Sunnydale, away from California, just ... away from here. Anywhere but being confronted by Angel's patented puppy dog expression, his eyes shining with worry. She could almost hear his earnest concern, 'Buffy, are you okay? Say something, please. Anything. Just don't not talk to me.' 

God. How had she landed herself in this mess? One minute she was all, 'Hey Angel, I just wanted to come by and thank you for saving my life', the next it was 'Angel, it's totally none of my business, and by the way are you sleeping with _Cordelia_?'. And now she was all confused and as a rule, Buffy hated being confused. Confusion was bad. It was way up there with mixing pinstripes with polka dots and allowing Dawn to do the laundry when she knew nothing about colours. Absolute end-of-the-world-type chaos. 

The most galling thing wasn't the fact that she had been totally clueless as to how close Angel and Cordelia had gotten over the past two years. It wasn't even the fact that there were obviously parts of Angel's life that she didn't know anything about. The most stupidest, most galling and idiotic thing was that despite finding Angel and Cordelia together ... It didn't even hurt all that much! 

Well okay, that wasn't strictly true. It hurt a hell of a lot, but it was - god it was bearable! Which was the most _un_bearable thing about her rampaging emotions right now. 

Buffy suddenly got off the couch and started pacing back and forth in front of a worried Angel. 

"Okay, here's the deal -"

"Buffy." Angel mirrored her and stood up, sticking his hands protectively in his pockets. He instinctively braced himself, afraid to lose what momentary peace he had built up with Buffy during her stay in L.A. 

"No Angel, let me say this." She said through gritted teeth. "Things have obviously changed between you and Cordelia, which is fine. Things change, I get that. It's none of my business, so you can get back to your demon fighting life in L.A and leave me to live mine here." She started to walk away. 

Angel leaned in toward her, his eyes searching hers. "Look Buffy, no matter what you're saying, you're obviously worked up over this. We should talk about --"

"God, can you just take a moment to get over yourself first? This isn't about you, or us, or --"

"Yes, it _is_." Angel said with uncharacteristic steel. "It's all about us." 

"In case you don't remember, _you're _the one that ended it two years ago." Buffy could feel the beginnings of her anger seep through to her words. "And unless I'm mistaken, the whole point about ending 'us' is so that there wouldn't be any more - 'us'." 

She rushed past him and headed for the door. "I came by to say thanks for saving my life. So - thanks." 

"Oh no you don't." Angel circled her and placed himself implacably between her and the door. "There're obviously things we have to work out, and you're staying until we do." 

"You're going to stop me how? You going to hit me again, like you did when I was trying to save you from Faith?"

Angel felt a surge of irrational anger before reigning it in. "Buffy that's beneath you." 

She quietened, aware she had overstepped the mark. 

"Okay you want to talk so much, so - talk. What 'things' do we have to talk about Angel? What things?" Her eyes bored into his as her voice crescendoed. "About how we don't 'live in each other's worlds' any more? About how there are _so many _things in your life I've missed out on sharing with you? About what a great new life you have now with your big Hollywood hotel and 'helping the helpless'?" The pitch of her voice grated in his ears. "Sorry, been there, done that." Her face was flushed and she was almost gasping with unsuppressed emotion. "What things do you want to talk about Angel?!" 

Angel was beginning to feel his own anger pulsating through his veins, all the sadness and emotion pent up during his grieving for Buffy surging through his normally calm exterior. "I don't know, you tell me. You're the one that's getting all hot and bothered." 

"I am _not _..." Buffy huffed indignantly. "You're the one that's parading your new life in front of me, all moving on with Cordelia!" 

"Me?" His own voice was beginning to rise with anger. "Me?! Parading _my _new life? Buffy, in case you've forgotten you've done some moving on yourself. Do I have to remind you how you practically threw Iowa farm boy in my face in L.A?"

"You leave Riley out of this."

"Don't worry, I was intending to." An angry laugh escaped him. "The fact is no matter how much I move on, I'll never be able to move on the way you already have." He sighed bitterly. "Does that make you feel any better?"

"God, Angel. What kind of person -" She stopped pacing, blinking back angry tears. "It's just ... You have no idea how hard this is for me!"

"What?" Angel asked her quietly, sensing a change in emotion. 

"Well, duh!" Her anger was beginning to simmer down a little. "The ... the ... Angel, I _died_! Which by the way is not something that you do everyday. Which is great and all, really, I couldn't ask for a better ... death. But ... everything's different. You're different." She paused, then added quietly. "We're different." 

"Buffy ..." His voice softened as he saw the tears beginning to stream quietly down her beautiful face. A face that he had kissed so many times. "We've been different for a very long time." He sighed. "Things change ... that's the way life is. We can't change that. But it doesn't mean it can't be a good type of different." 

"I know." She whispered brokenly. "It's just ... There's something in me Angel, something that's not right. No one's supposed to die and come back to life again." 

Angel's heart almost broke at the sight of her, sounding for all the world like a little girl lost. "Buffy ... is that what you think? What you've been thinking? That ... there's something bad or evil about you?" 

She nodded mutely. "What if I came back, almost-Buffy, but with something else? Something dark or evil lurking underneath and no one could tell? 

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was Buffy, who had sacrificed herself to save her sister, her friends, the world. How could she of all people fear that there was evil inside her pure soul?

"Buffy ... there's nothing evil about you." He took her delicate hands in his and gently traced soothing patterns on her palms. "I know you Buffy. No matter how much we've bothchanged, _that _will never change. And I know that you could never be anything but good."

"But what if I'm not really her any more? I mean, you can't be sure can you?" Her voice was rising again, this time with panic. "Angel I feel it. I feel something so different inside me. No matter how much I try to hide it, it's there." 

Angel gently steered her to the couch, his face one of genuine concern. He wanted so much to make her feel better, to dispel this cloud of fear she had probably been under since her resurrection. 

"Buffy." Her blue eyes were shining with tears. "You remember me going to Hell and back again, right?" 

She laughed ruefully through her tears. "How could I forget?"

"I didn't know it at the time but the Powers That Be brought me back for something. Something important that only _I_ could do. Something worth giving me another chance at life for." He paused as he watched her digest the information. "And now I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Saving souls." He smiled a surprisingly boyish smile. "Helping the helpless." 

She smiled along with him. "So, do you think ...?"

"Yes. I do." He traced a finger gently down the curve of her face, resting on her chin. "You've been given another chance Buffy. There's something left for you to do. Treasure it." 

She placed one of her warm hands on his gentle cold one, allowed it to linger briefly before pulling it back. The smile she gave him this time seemed to be mixed with the radiance of her soul. 

They sat together in companionable stillness. The tension of the past seemed to have unravelled from the fibre of their relationship, and for the first time in a very long time, Buffy could only feel happiness in Angel's presence. They were at peace, with no conflict tempering the sweetness of the emotion, no guilt or pain or blame to be shared or suffered. Just the warmth and purity of love. 

They were starting over with a clean slate. As friends, ones who would always love each other in one way or another. 

"Do you love her?" Buffy asked after a while, her voice so quiet that he barely caught it as it hung in the air between them. 

"Buffy, Cordelia and I, we're not - We didn't -" His face remained impassive but his eyes lit up slightly. "I ... don't know. Maybe. I think ... even if I did, we couldn't really be together anyway. Too much pain ... I wouldn't want to put Cordy through what I put you through." 

"Angel ... you didn't. I mean ... A lot of stuff happened because we didn't know about the curse, that's all. It could've been a lot different, but ..." She fought down the still raw emotion. "We found each other, you know? No matter what happened, that counts for _a lot_." She eyed him as she continued haltingly. "No matter what you say, it's important to let people know you love them. Because ... you never know when your time will be up."

Buffy wanted to say more, much more, but she was too selfish. It hurt to even think of Angel caring for someone like he had cared for her, but at the same time she wanted to help him the way he had helped her -- listening and understanding the secret fear that had been haunting her for two months. Angel had been right -- no matter how much he wanted to, he could never truly leave his past behind. She felt his torment, felt his isolation from everything and everyone around him. She knew he had always felt like that, felt like he didn't deserve to be part of the world. 

She didn't want him to feel like that any more. She wanted _so badly _to make him happy, to make him feel loved ... And if Cordelia was the one person who could make him happy, then ... 

"Angel." There was a faraway look in his dark orbs, suggesting that his mind had been dwelling on distant memories. "This is really hard for me to say, but ... You can't sacrifice living the present because you're afraid. Because you'll end up regretting the chances you've lost and ... you should be happy. Now. With someone you love."

She couldn't continue. It was just too hard. She hoped that he understood that she was giving her blessing to him in a way, to find something that he needed so badly. Something that she had been unable to give him, through no fault of her own. 

He smiled, a wonderfully rare smile that lit up his chocolate brown orbs and made her soul sing with joy. He did understand. Leaning forward, he gave her a chaste kiss that somehow conveyed his relief and sweet regret, promising the peace of the future yet closing the door to the past. 

It was a moment Buffy would remember for the rest of her life. Although she wasn't fully able to comprehend it until much later, the old wounds that had been festering between her and Angel had started healing at that moment. Their old love would forever be in their hearts, locked in stasis, a treasure shining brightly in the past. But now it was over, and there was sadness at the loss of her first love, but -- there was also something else. Hope. Hope for the brightness of the future. Of peace, contentment, the deepest of friendships. Something that the old Buffy could never have appreciated to its full extent, but the new Buffy could. Because the new Buffy had died and come back to life, able to realise what a precious gift life truly was. 

She smiled. The happiness shining through her dark blue orbs captured his dark brown ones, and they spent a moment luxuriating in the past for the last time. Regretting less what would never be; hoping more for whatever could be. 

A smile crept tentatively over Angel's handsome visage, and Buffy knew. 

Things were going to be okay. 

(c) September 2001

   [1]: mailto:vivngan@iname.com



	4. Part 4

road4 ****

Road Trip, Interrupted 

By [Viv][1]

****

*~*~ PART FOUR ~*~*

"So ..." Xander began, after he had spoken to his foreman about taking the morning off work. "What -?"

"Don't say it." Cordelia's tone took on a threatening edge. She fixed her eyes firmly on the road in front of them, seemingly intent on avoiding all conversation. Xander had seen her in these moods when they had been going out, and he knew that if he valued his life he should keep his big mouth shut. 

They drove for a few moments before Cordelia broke the silence. "Don't even think it." 

"What?" Xander asked incredulously before protesting. "I'm not!" 

"Yes. You are." Cordelia replied, gritting her teeth. 

The engine purred along as Xander drove them along the deserted road to town. Finally he couldn't handle the deafening silence any longer. "So, I can't even think things now?"

"No." Cordelia kept her face resolutely away. 

"I don't buy it Cordy." He turned off the main road into a smaller street, and Cordelia began to recognise familiar landmarks. Yep, she was definitely back in Sunnyhell again, where she hadn't - and didn't - belong. 

Sensing no reaction, he plunged on. "You and Angel - I mean, I'm not judging or anything. No one's judging. People change; we've all changed. I mean, I'm sure even dead boy -"

"Don't call him that." Cordelia's response was automatic. "He has a name - use it." She continued ascerbicly, "Even _if _me and Angel were - like I need yours or anyone else from Sunnyhell's permission to - It's no one's business but ours, okay?" 

"Ah ... okay." Xander was unnerved by the deadly defensiveness of her voice. "I wasn't ... what I mean is that, things have changed, I'm sure even Angel's changed -" 

"Of course he has dumb ass." She paused as they pulled onto the main street, the familiarity of the stores stealing her attention for a moment. "And you better believe it. He's nice now. He looks after everyone - me and Wes and Gunn and Fred. We're family." She paused and said somewhat mischievously, "Plus he's less boring, and way more spendy now which is, you know, nice." Cordelia couldn't suppress a secret grin at the thought of the bags and bags of clothes he had bought her a few months ago. More spendy was _definitely _nice. 

"Well ... " Xander's voice trailed off as he expertly pulled into a vacant space, killing the engine. "I guess that's okay then. I just kinda had it in my head that you and Angel - well, you guys didn't exactly get along ... before. You know, we were kinda both in the 'Angel should die' club. It's a shock to even think you guys -" 

"Yeah well, people change. Plus he saved my life _a lot _which kinda made me like him again." A small smile crept on her face, one mirrored tentatively by Xander as they proceeded down the street. "Plus he gave me a job when I really needed one and always _tries _to cheer me up after one of my lame auditions and - did I mention saving my life a few zillion times? 'Cause that tends to make a guy grow on you, you know." 

"Yeah I know what you mean - about how things change that is." She cocked an eyebrow in curiosity. "Not with dead - er, Angel - saving my life a few times. Even though he has and to tell the truth, I kinda don't really hate the guy any more. You know, at least not in a 'he should die a painful, horrible death' kinda way." He paused. "Life's too short." 

"_Finally_." Cordelia said with an exaggerated air. "Things have changed. It looks like Xander Harris has grown up. I never thought I'd live long enough to see that happen."

"Yeah you better believe it." Xander grinned at her, an expression so familiar and boyish that she couldn't help grinning back. "I've got my own place now - _not _living in my parent's basement any more which is - well, you know how bad that place was. My foreman says I actually make a pretty good carpenter so maybe I can start my own business some day. Plus you know, me and Anya ... marrying an ex-demon here." He paused before adding quietly, "Not one to be judgment boy any more." 

Cordelia's hands went to her mouth in horror. "Oh God - I forgot Xander. I mean I remember Willow mentioning it, but with all the badness - I was so happy for you, and -" Her demeanour transformed into one of brilliant warmth. Her steps stilled and her sincere hazel eyes met his puzzled dark ones. "Congratulations." 

"Thanks Cordy." He sounded pleased and genuinely surprised. He was once again caught off guard by the rapid pace of Cordelia's change in emotion, and wondered at how he had kept up with it before. 

Shaking his head and smiling off serious thoughts of growing up and change, he entered the Espresso Pump with Cordelia in tow, filling her in about all things Sunnydale. 

***

Cordelia giggled into her latte as Xander snorted cappuccino through his nose, his expression one of disbelief. They had been filling each other in on what they had been up to the last couple of years, sitting at a table on the sidewalk as a comfortable breeze soothed the morning heat of the Southern Californian sun. 

"You bought him what?!" Xander asked incredulously, trying to keep from spewing the rest of his coffee out of his mouth.

"Yeah." Cordelia mercilessly continued, giggling insanely. "It was just after his apartment was blown up by this evil law firm - anyway I wanted to cheer him up, and what better way to cheer someone up than by restocking their depleted and depressing black on black wardrobe? I mean, I totally appreciated the clothes hebought for _me_. How was Ito know that he didn't like Superman boxers? I mean they were _silk _- and they were on sale!" She exclaimed before rolling on. "Then there was the time when we kinda got drunk - well, he got drunk and I got _way _drunk - and he started singing worse than usual." Cordelia chortled at the memory. "I mean _really _singing - did you know Angel knows Mandy and Copacabana off by heart? I didn't. And then he did Stairway to Heaven, and then all the numbers from Grease, and then Memory - which nearly made me pass out what with all the high notes and um, general notes that he wasn'thitting - and also the image of Angel acting all Streisandy. And then -"

Xander finally exploded, spewing more quality caffeine out of his nostrils. He grabbed his sides but couldn't stop peal after peal of laughter exploding out of his shaking frame. 

"Ew." Cordelia scrunched her nose in mock disgust as Xander wiped the tears rolling out of his eyes. She tossed a tissue at him which hit him squarely in the face. "You're so gross Xander."

"I'm the King of Cretins." He chirped, his voice wavering from barely controlled laughter. It took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. "You know CC, I don't think we've ever had this much fun together. I mean -"

"I know what you mean." She cut him off, suddenly quiet. Thinking of her time with Xander and all the badness that had gone with it didn't really hurt all that much any more, but she still didn't like being reminded of the person she once was - the Queen C of Sunnydale High that no one really liked, that no one really cared about. It was maybe one of the reasons why she had been so unenthusiastic about returning to town. 

"This is nice. I guess we ... we never were friends when we went out. And maybe not after that either - at least, not until you bought me that dress for the Prom. Which was really nice of you, by the way." 

He smiled. "Speaking of the Prom - how's Wesley? How's he doing in L.A anyway?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes at Xander's less than subtle reminder of her past infatuation. "Huh. He's great. Would you believe he goes out on more dates than I do?" 

"No." Xander shook his head in mock disbelief, his dark eyes twinkling. "The world is indeed an unfair place." 

"Tell me about it." Cordelia smiled at him in semi-serious agreement. "I mean in a _fair _world, I'd be beautiful, rich, famous _and _have a to-die-for hottie hanging off my every word - buying me clothes and taking me on shopping trips to Europe." She looked down at her frothing latte suddenly and almost sighed. "And saving the helpless of course. Can't forget those helpless." 

"Hey." Xander's voice broke her contemplation of her latte. "You're still beautiful CC. Okay, I've got to revise that and say you're still _really _beautiful. And forgetting the rich and famous part - because I'm sure you'll get there - from what Will says you're helping kick demon butt and saving humanity which is always great. And on the upside, you're alive and healthy. That's always of the good." 

Cordelia smiled ruefully. "When did you learn to talk so well?"

"I am a man of many talents." He grinned cheekily at her. 

She smiled in spite of herself. "And also a man of incredibly bad taste. Do you still -" Cordelia suddenly grabbed her head, an intense pain ripping through her brain and momentarily blinding her before dissipating as quickly as it came. She blinked a few times as her mind cleared while Xander looked on, concern welling in the pools of his eyes. 

"Cordy, what's wrong? Is it a vision?" 

"No." It was all Cordelia could rasp out for a second before taking a few more breaths to calm herself. "If it was a vision I'd be on the floor, crying out from the mind-numbing pain, frothing at the mouth and throwing up inside my head." She gasped as another whisper of pain raced through her brain. "Vision aftermath. Nothing to worry about." 

Xander had been about to laugh at Cordelia's outrageous description of her visions before he realised she hadn't been exaggerating - at all. He stared at her in shock for a few moments until she grew annoyed by his intense gaze. 

"Quit staring at me Xander." 

"Cordy." He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "When Will told me about you getting visions, I thought ... I thought ..." He trailed off. 

"You thought they were like flashes of bright light? Like extremely cool 'there's danger - look out' messages from the Powers That Be, with wide screen and surround sound? Yeah sure." She looked at him with something akin to tired suffering. "There's also the mind numbing pain, the constant headaches, feeling the victims' pain as they're torn into by whatever demon week after week, and oh - the mind numbing pain. Did I _mention _the mind numbing pain?!" 

Xander remained silent, rendered speechless by her impassioned revelation. 

Cordelia grabbed her head again. "Sorry. It's not your fault. It's not anyone's fault. It's just ... it hurts." She squeezed her eyes shut momentarily before letting out a long, calming breath. "I'll be okay. I think I just need to lie down for a while." 

Xander immediately rose up and came around the table to gently guide her up. "Come on CC, I'm driving you back to the mansion. You can lie down there." 

Cordelia nodded mutely, her hand still pressed to her temple as Xander paid the bill. 

She felt slightly better as they stepped into the sunshine. "He takes care of you ... Angel takes care of you?" 

She nodded faintly, all her energy focused on walking back to Xander's car without tripping and falling straight on her face. "He tries to. They all try to ... in their own way." She sighed. "But ... Angel especially. I guess he thinks it's his fault or something." 

"Good." Uncharacteristic steel crept into Xander's voice as they rounded the corner and got into his car. "I'm glad. I mean, I'm glad that he's there for you. I'm glad he's there to take care of you." 

"Me too." She smiled wanly as he drove her back to the mansion. She rolled the windows down, enjoying the scenery speeding past them, the cool stinging wind alleviating her distress somewhat. 

Suddenly she snapped her head back. "Xander, can we stop off at the butcher shop? I need to get some blood for Angel."

He looked startled for a minute before nodding. "Sure."

Cordelia took in Xander's profile for a moment as he concentrated on the road. It had been good to catch up with him today. She realised that they had lacked a certain closure to their relationship when she had so hurriedly left Sunnydale two years ago and it was good to have an opportunity to close things off. To start again as friends of some sort. 

She smiled inwardly, before turning back to the window again. Maybe this little PTB sponsored side trip to Sunnydale wasn't such a bad idea after all. 

****

(c) September 2001

   [1]: mailto:vivngan@iname.com



	5. Part 5

road5 ****

ROAD TRIP, INTERRUPTED

By [Viv][1]

*~*~ **Part Five **~*~*

Cordelia stuck her head tentatively inside the mansion and peered cautiously inside. The main living area was deserted, the battered couch and the coffee table where Angel should have inevitably sat brooding after such an intense session with Buffy was strangely abandoned. The hollow fireplace hunched in stony quietness at the far side of the room, shrouded in a thick blanket of shadows. 

Cordelia breathed a sigh of relief. All in all things seemed relatively normal. At least there wasn't any overturned furniture or dust piles - that she could see anyway. 

The ray of light that had been let into the room slithered away when Cordelia closed the heavy wooden door softly behind her. The interior returned to its inky darkness, the grey stillness of the walls and the cold stone floor accentuating the dramatic silence of the cavernous room. Almost tiptoeing, she crossed the room and dumped the bag of blood she had just gotten from the butcher on the coffee table and sighed. 

This was eerie. Even during his record breaking intense moments of brooding boringness, Angel had never been *_this_*quiet. The place seemed deserted, which wasn't really all that possible given his extreme allergy to sunlight and the whole bursting into a flamy death thing, and - well, that was reason enough for his Broodiness to keep to the shadows. It was a very compelling reason for him to stay inside. 

Cordelia huffed in exasperation. Where was the undead brooding vampire? She walked around the room, suddenly shattering the stillness with a single cry. "Angel!" 

There was no response. Suddenly a new, more exotic fear began forming in her mind - namely that Buffy, Slayer from the dead extraordinaire, had somehow staked her undead former boss without so much as a by your leave, without destroying any wooden furniture to speak of, without consulting anyone first - namely Cordelia, who depended on his undeadness to solve cases, to kill big bads so she could get paid and dammit, to protect her in times of visiony danger. 

She screamed for Angel again, fear gripping her voice and making it shake slightly.

"ANGEL!"

She unconsciously held her breath and waited, and only the painful tightening of her chest reminding her of her need for air. The deceptive calmness of the room began to grate on her nerves as precious seconds dragged by, the only sound audible being the palpable beating of her own heart. 

She walked to the well-worn couch and was about to plonk down when she spied something directly under it. Puzzled, she shifted it sideways slightly - and stared. 

There was a pile of dust. A pile of dust. A pile of - 

What?!

Bending down quickly and hastily reminding herself over and over again that Buffy would never *_ever_*stake Angel, she examined the dust. No matter how annoying and stupid she thought the Slayer was, she knew that Buffy would never ever stake her former boyfriend, not in a million billion years, not even if they had gotten into a really huge fight and started belting each other like they sometimes did which in their twisted universe constituted friendly bickering and God - what if it was an accident? What if she had staked him by accident and ran out of the mansion, and -

"Cordy, what are you doing?" 

She let out a shrill scream as Angel suddenly appeared behind her, towelling off his damp hair and making it stick out outlandishly in all directions. "What-?" 

He was cut off as Cordelia launched herself into his arms with ecstatic relief, hugging him with all her might. Beads of water dripped off his chin and onto her hair as he stopped all movement but she didn't even notice, burrowing herself if possible even deeper into his arms. "Thank *_God_*you're safe." 

Confused but admittedly happy that Cordelia seemed in no hurry to move from her comfortable position in his arms, he held onto her until she finally disentangled herself from him.

"Where were you?" She demanded, annoyed at him for giving her such a scare. 

Angel frowned. "I was taking a shower." Sensing her distress he asked quickly, "What ... what's wrong Cordy?"

"What's wrong?! What's wrong is that I thought you were gone. Like ... poof, in a big grey cloud of dust! Like ..." She gestured inarticulately. "Gone!"

Angel blinked while trying to determine what exactly he had done wrong. He looked down at her worried hazel orbs, her annoyed pout and the frown that briefly marred her delicately chiselled face. His gaze followed hers down to the floor and to the couch next to him. 

A small smile hovered on Angel's lips as his eyes caught the dust lying near his feet. He looked back at his now embarrassed looking Seer, her full lips formed into a defensive pout. "I see. You thought ..." He gestured at the pile of dust. 

"Yes! I thought Buffy went mental okay? As if it'd be the first time." 

Angel smiled at her embarrassment, a mischievous twinkle gleaming in his chocolate coloured orbs. "Ah Cordelia ... you know she would never do that." 

"Do I?" Cordelia pouted determinedly, still embarrassed at the mind-numbing fear she had been experiencing just moments before. "I mean duh - she's the Slayer and in case you've forgotten you're a vampire, and - can I really be sure that she just wouldn't, you know, stake you ... accidentally or something?" She crossed her arms defiantly.

Angel reined in his smile somewhat and looked down at her indulgently. "Cordy, you know she'd never do that. I mean, we might fight ... a lot - but she wouldn't, you know -"

"Yeah, yeah I know." Cordelia sighed resignedly and threw herself on the couch, feeling really *_really_*stupid now. Of course Buffy would never stake Angel - like she'd ever stake the 'love of her life'. They were the star-crossed lovers of all time; she was Juliet to his Romeo and would Juliet ever do anything to harm her precious, precious pretty boy lover? Of course not. 

Cordelia bounced back up, her mood deteriorating rapidly. Her head hurt like there was no tomorrow and Angel wanted to discuss the finer points of little Miss likes to fight? Oooh Buffy can slay vampires. Buffy's so strong and athletic. Buffy can come back from the dead. Huh.

"Forget it, I was just being stupid - as usual. Feel free to ignore poor little clueless Cordy." She huffed acidically as she started walking out of the room. 

"Cordy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, *_okay_*? Does something always have to be *_wrong_*?" She huffed irritably. "And does something always have to be wrong before you show any signs of concern - about me?" 

Angel reeled back in astounded confusion. "What ...What do you mean?"

His handsomely clueless face made Cordelia want to strangle him in frustration. He was such a clueless idiot sometimes! Did she have to spell *_everything_*out to him? 

God. She already poured his blood, listened to his insane rambling, coaxed him out of serial broodiness, bought him underwear when he had none, patched up his wounds, made sure he had *_fun_*sometimes, made him talk to people like a normal person, single-handedly brought the concept of colour back into his wardrobe, dusted his stupid hotel suite and the most tortuous thing of all - had actually listened to him *_sing_*. Didn't that qualify her for some 'caring about Cordy' moments? Was it too much to ask of him to show that he cared about her just a little? Not just in a 'she's just had a vision and now her brain's threatening to explode' kinda way, but in a 'she's my bestest friend in the whole world and let's not always compare her to perfect Buffy' kinda way? 

The more she thought about it the more annoyed she became. She was always playing second fiddle to Buffy's orchestra in his eyes and always will. Sure Cordelia was vision girl ... so what? It would always be the same tune with Angel. Buffy would always be this gloriously bright, shining light in his past, and what was she? His annoying gal Friday - occasionally witty, occasionally funny personal messenger from the Powers That Be.

Look how he had totally ditched her when Buffy had dropped by this morning. And it wasn't just Angel. It was Xander and the Scoobies who had always thought she was a brainless, insensitive cheerleader. It was everything and everyone about this stupid town, and why did the Powers have to land her in the only place in the entire country that made her feel insignificant and worthless? 

Cordelia's angry hazel eyes bored into Angel's placidly uncomprehending face, making him cringe unwittingly. "What do I *_mean_*? Do I have to spell out *_everything_*for you?" She shoved her hands on her hips, her voice rising. 

"Cordy, what's wrong? Are you okay?" Angel asked in confused concern.

"If I hear you ask me 'what's wrong' or 'are you okay' one more time I'm going to - I'm going to scream!" She began to pace about the room frantically. "Can't you just for once show that you care about *_me_*? About how *_I'm_*doing and not because of some stupid vision that makes me want to throw up and choke at the same time? 

"Cordy you know I care, I always care." 

"Of *_course_*you do!" The irritated girl said, pointing an accusing finger into his chest. "You always care. You care about your precious vision girl, you care about Wes and Gunn, you care about pretty, cute little Fred - you care about Lorne, you care about everyone in L.A and argh! You probably care about everyone on this whole damn planet! You even care about that stupid mangy dog that's always hanging around the hotel and don't think I haven't noticed you feeding him scraps - but that's not the point." He opened his mouth to protest but she smoothly continued, oblivious to his confusion. "The point is that you care about the world, I'm technically part of the world and hence - yeah, you care about me. But you don't *_care_*about me."

She looked at him as if daring him to retaliate. Heedless of the angry jutting of her chin, the brilliant fury in her bright hazel eyes and the hostility radiating from her being, Angel drew a long breath and attempted to formulate a reply.

"Cordy are you crazy? Of course I care." He gulped as he saw the fury in her eyes burn even brighter and realised that he probably shouldn't have called her crazy. "Um, what I mean is ... Of course I care ... about you. I've always cared. You know ... I let you put cinnamon in my blood sometimes." 

Cordelia remained immobile, her face still one of barely contained fury. 

Angel plunged on, his hands running nervously through his drying hair. "And um, I've started wearing more colours. You know that light blue shirt you picked out for me last week? I ... I actually wore it last week ..." His mind desperately searched for more examples. " ... And I tried to surf the ah, the net last week like you showed me. And um ... Basically I care. I do care about you Cordelia." He finished off sincerely. 

There was a dramatic pause before Cordelia saw fit to repel his arguments. "That puppy dog look isn't going to work for you this time broody boy - so you may as well drop it. I'm tired, my head hurts and I'm angry. The least you can do is to take me seriously!" She paused before adding quietly, "Of course you may not be able to take silly little Cordy seriously."

Suddenly Angel felt a stab of irrational anger pierce his relatively light mood. "Cordelia." He said sternly, "Don't ever say that about yourself." 

"Say what? Say that I'm silly? That no one ever takes me seriously?" She asked him, her tone defiant. "Why not? It's true isn't it?" She looked up into his slightly angry eyes. "Look what you've just said to me. I put cinnamon in your blood. I buy you clothes. Is that all I am to you? A maid? ... a personal assistant? Is that -"

"Cordelia you know that isn't true." Angel could feel his anger beginning to spiral out of control. How could she even begin to think those things? To think that he thought nothing more of her than ... than a *_maid_*_? _A personal assistant? How could she ...? "You're my friend. More than that - you're my family." He gritted his teeth to try to keep his anger from seeping into his words. "You were the first person who saw me for what I was - for what I am - and accepted me. You ... you help me in ways you'll never know." He wanted to shake her, to do something to emphasise the force of his emotions but he settled for gripping her shoulders firmly with his hands. "You're like the light I can never touch ... the perfect happiness I can never feel. When you're around me I know I'll never be lost. Cordy you're everything I need to live - can't you see that?" 

His beautiful words made her eyes tear up with happiness but she quickly shook herself out of the feeling. She wanted so desperately to believe him, to believe that everything he had just said was true. 

But it was only a dream ... a wonderful, intoxicating dream. 

"Angel ..." She said, anguish erasing the anger from her voice. "You don't feel that way about me, not really. I'm just ... it's just because I'm there all the time, that's all. If I'm ... if I'm not there you'll find others ... other people that can be all those things to you."

He swallowed, barely able to absorb her words. It was all Angel could do to keep from tearing the nearby coffee table apart in frustration. He had practically bared his soul to her - hell he *_had_*bared his soul to her - and she hadn't even believed him!

"Cordelia - you're so stubborn sometimes!" He gritted his teeth and plunged on. "I think I know better than anyone else how I feel, don't you? And if I say I care about you and that you're everything to me, I mean it." 

She tried another tack. "Well how do you expect me to believe you when you're reserved broody guy all the time? You never say anything to me - well, except just now but that's beside the point - and you never let it show. And don't give me that 'you find it hard to show your true feelings' sensitive new age vampire crap. I've seen you with Buffy, all making with the smoochies."

"Don't bring Buffy into this." He was fighting a losing battle on his irritation. Why couldn't Cordelia just accept that that was the way he really felt about her? Why was this annoying, passionate, gorgeous beauty in front of him so damn stubborn about things? 

"Cordelia, can't you just accept that that's the way I really feel?" He felt his irritation mounting as he saw the disbelieving pain in her eyes. "What do I have to do to prove it to you?" He grabbed her shoulders roughly, his dark eyes boring into hers with sparkling intensity. "What do I have to do?"

"Angel ..." She wrenched herself out of his painful grasp. "You can't do anything. It's not about proving anything ... I don't blame you, I really don't."

He let out a small growl in frustration, feeling the familiar primal stirrings of his demon. "You don't blame me?" He looked down at her, his dark orbs suddenly smouldering as his voice descended into a dangerous whisper. "Here I am, telling *_you_*everything that I feel about you. The way you make me feel ..." His hands crept languorously through her hair as he stepped closer and closer to her. Cordelia remained still as he nestled his face into her hair and luxuriated in her soft tresses, before slowly descending down the side of her face and settling into the crook of her neck, leaving her skin tingling as he inhaled deeply. Inhaled *_her_*deeply. 

Whoa. Now Cordelia was the one confused. This behaviour was ... new. Very new. So new in fact that she had never seen him like this before - well, except for that time with the Darla-induced craziness. And she knew how well *_that_*had turned out.

His hands wrapped around her body, caressing her back gently ... almost sensually. Okay this was getting freaky. What the hell was he doing?!

"Ah ... Angel?" She tentatively spoke into his soft brown hair, her voice uncertain. "Bestest vampire buddy? What are you doing?" 

He withdrew his head from her shoulders, but not before brushing his face briefly against the top of her chest. He grinned innocently at her, hanging his head boyishly as if caught doing something wrong. 

She felt a long moment of blind panic. He was milking the puppy dog expression as far as it would go and ... was Angel pouting? Pouting with those utterly kissable lips and God - she had to stop thinking right there. 

Okay, this was *_definitely_*new. 

"I'm trying to *_show_*you how much I care about you Cordy." His eyes were alight with ... with something. There was a glimmer of feigned innocence as well as a glint of steel, but Cordelia for once couldn't read Angel like an open book - and she didn't like it one bit. 

The worst thing was that now all her energy, all her anger at him and at the world - albeit irrational - had completely disappeared. Dissipated into thin air. She couldn't even continue the fight.

Cordelia Chase had been bested by a socially inept 248 year old Irish vampire!

Her attention returned to the present as Angel continued, his look of boyish innocence replaced by one of feigned casualness. "You know Cordy, I've been doing all the talking here. But what about you? How much do you care Cordy? Really care?"

Angel had skilfully manipulated her and there was nothing she could do about it! With sudden clarity Cordelia realised that no matter how kind and gentle Angel normally appeared to be, he was, after all, a vampire - one wasn't above a little manipulation to get something he really wanted. She was annoyed at being manoeuvred, yet at the same time she found herself intrigued. She had always known that there were layers to her friend that she hadn't seen before, and now that she was exposed to yet another side of his already complex character - she found it quite thrilling. Although technically she could've lived without being introduced to the 'brooding about Darla until he went insane' Angel. 

"What do you mean?" She spluttered. "Were we *_having_* the same conversation? I clearly care about you."

He nodded thoughtfully, his face returning to its normal gravity. "Do you? I mean ... Do you care about me more than you cared about the Groosalug?"

"Huh?" Cordelia blinked and looked at him blankly. What did Groo have anything to do with it? 

"The Groosalug." He said, as if that in itself totally clarified the situation. "You cared about him, didn't you?"

"Yeah. For those *_three days_* we were stuck in Pylea." She tried to reign her sarcasm in but her frustration made her want to scream. "Plus he was really nice to me. What does he have to do with anything?" 

"You said you loved him." Angel replied in a small, subdued tone. 

Cordelia was reduced to blinking blankly again. "I do - I did." She absently corrected herself, feeling her frustration build. "So what? What does that -"

She stopped abruptly as she caught onto his train of thought. "Oh God. Do you actually think that I - that I care more for Groo than for you?" She half-laughed at the ridiculousness of the idea, making his face darken. 

"Well, we *_were_*fighting to the death and you *_did_*stop me from hurting him so I'm thinking - yeah." 

"That's stupid." She retorted peevishly, annoyed at his utter stupidity and cluelessness. "How could you think that after all the stuff we've been through?"

"Well what was I supposed to think?" His voice was rapidly turning into a shout. "You always say what's on your mind and you said you loved him. How was I supposed to know I was *_stupid_*in believing you?" 

"Well," Cordelia blustered. "You should actually try *_thinking_* before you become sensitive martyr guy. Don't blame me if you're too stupid to realise that I love you, you dumb ass!" 

"Well - I love you too!" Angel blustered, before he registered what she had just said to him. 

Tension hung thickly in the air and for a full minute neither of them could formulate a thought. The silence in the room was punctuated only by the heavy and erratic beating of Cordelia's heart until she shifted slightly on her feet, the impact of what he had just confessed to her making her suddenly blush crimson. 

She tried to alleviate the tension with a nervous giggle. "Wow. Did that qualify as an intense bonding moment?" 

Angel rubbed his neck sheepishly, his erratic mood dissipating. "Yeah. I think it more than qualifies."

She swallowed, trying to not notice the dryness in her throat. Her head still hurt from the headache that had assaulted her at the Espresso Pump and she really needed to lie down. Her emotions were veering so wildly out of control that she didn't know what to think - couldn't know what to think, except for one thing.

Angel loved her. Angel loved her. He loved her?

"You love me?" Her mind was jerked back by Angel's incredulous and uncertain voice. "You shouldn't. I'm dangerous." Her face darkened. "You shouldn't ... care." 

"Oh please. Don't tell me that I can't care." A hint of steel crept back into her voice. "That ship's already sailed mister. It's sailed so far out of the harbour it's out at sea now. It's drawn anchor and people on that ship are fishing." 

"Well ... okay." He surprised her by giving her a slightly cheeky grin. "I can deal with that." 

"Good." She smiled in spite of herself. Pain shot through her head and she realised that she really needed to lie down for a while. Having the vision yesterday, fighting those calamari demons, not getting enough sleep and dealing with heavy emotion issues were taking their toll on her. 

Angel noticed her flinching with pain and automatically braced her against his taller frame. "Cordy?" 

"It's nothing." She smiled wanly up at him, the tiredness in her eyes suddenly betraying her fatigue. "Just a headache that's all. I just need to lie down for a while." 

Angel nodded silently, controlling the irrational anger and fear that inevitably coursed through him every time he saw Cordelia in this condition. In so much pain because of her visions ... because of him. And because he could do nothing to alleviate her suffering. 

"Okay." He helped her to the bedroom and onto the large, soft bed, tucking her in and pulling the comforter until it shrouded her lithe frame. "Need anything? Tylenol? Water?"

She looked up at him, her eyes shining. "I'm good." She paused, sleep already half claiming her as he kneeled beside the bed. "Love you." She mumbled before closing her glorious eyes. 

He gently brushed his lips against her forehead. "Love you too Cordy." 

He leaned back in the shadows to simply gaze at Cordelia's slumbering form, the smooth contours of her face, her delicate, passionate features. He had finally admitted the truth that he had inwardly denied for so many months - the truth he had feared for so long. Feared that she wouldn't feel the same way, and feared that she would. 

But he realised that it didn't matter now. They had admitted their feelings for each other and it had been accepted so quickly, so simply - as if they had both known on some level about their feelings for one another. It was ... it was the most natural thing in the world. 

Angel gently brushed tendrils of Cordelia's dark brown hair off her face. He had admitted to himself and to her that he loved her - and the world hadn't ended. Maybe there was hope for them yet. 

(c) September 2001

   [1]: mailto:vivngan@iname.com



	6. Part 6

road6 ****

ROAD TRIP, INTERRUPTED

By [Viv][1]

****

*~*~ Part Six ~*~*

Angel was staring intently at the dormant fireplace, lost in the chasm between conscious and unconscious thought when he spied Cordelia striding in, blinking owlishly at him through heavy, sleep riddled lids. 

The sun had only just set a few minutes ago and already the waning light had given way to the inky greyness of early evening. Angel had toyed with the idea of actually getting a fire going in the face of the cooling night but had been thwarted by a lack of matches and his general ineptitude at starting fires in general. Well, the ones that didn't burn houses down at least. 

Besides it was a rather warm night which technically didn't mean anything to Angel, being a vampire who couldn't feel temperature and all, but still - it was nice to pretend it mattered, wasn't it?

"Are you brooding?" Cordelia blearily asked as she slowly made her way to his side, dropping heavily on the couch next to him. Sleep and fatigue still clung to her frame, illustrated by the way her normally graceful form unceremoniously sunk onto the back of the couch. 

Angel smiled into the empty air, knowing the lecture that was already beginning to form inside Cordelia's mind. Sometimes it scared him, the way he was able to almost see what she was thinking and feeling - as if he was there thinking and feeling those same things along with her. It scared him not because it was an indication of the intimacy of their minds and emotions that he had only just begun to realise in the past few months, but because of the growing possibility that he didn't want it to ever cease. This togetherness that he now shared with Cordelia that was founded on friendship, bonded by love. 

Sometimes it made him wonder at the unpredictability of life - that two outsiders who had exchanged no more than perfunctory greetings and small talk, whose lives had only crossed due to chance and mutual acquaintances, could somehow be thrown together in body as well as in mind just a few short years later. 

"Seer to broody boy. Seer to broody boy. Anyone there?" She paused as she playfully waved a hand in front of his intense eyes, glittering in the dim light. "Okay Houston, I think we have a problem." 

"Cordelia, I meant everything that I said before." He turned suddenly to her, grabbing her attention with the intensity in his dark orbs. 

Cordelia screwed her nose up in concentration, vestiges of sleep still fogging up her mind. "Ah ... which part exactly? The part where you said I wasn't your maid or the part where you said you loved me?"

Angel cocked his head to one side, letting a tiny smile play on his lips. "Both actually." 

"Ah ... me too. I mean, the I love you part." She sat up straighter and played with her entwined fingers. "So, we're on the same page here?" 

Angel frowned in confusion. "Which ... page is that?" 

Cordelia huffed impatiently although the growing smile that hovered on her lips showed she was, in fact, otherwise. "The page that says that we both have the good feelings." She said matter-of-factly. "And now we need to go on to the next page." 

Angel was becoming hopelessly lost in Cordelia's strange analogy. "The ... the next page?" He asked carefully.

"Duh. The page that says how we're going to deal with it." She looked at him, slightly anxious orbs flashing in the dimly lit room. "You know, for a 250 year old vampire with an unhealthy brooding obsession, you sure are slow with the issues sometimes. The whole 'we're friends but we have love feelings for each other and now what are we going to do' thing didn't cross your mind _once _while you were serial brooding the afternoon away? What kind of soulful brooding vampire are you?" 

"249." Angel automatically corrected. "And ..." He floundered, sure that Cordelia's strange logic would have provoked an elephant-sized migraine if he had been human, which at the moment he gladly was not. "I was ... I don't know what I was thinking. It's been a big day for me. Talking to Buffy for one thing ..." 

"Oh." Cordelia's voice dropped in understanding. "Sorry ... I kinda forgot about that. How'd it go anyway? I mean, did you guys sort your wacky issues out or is she going to be doing the uninvite spell sometime soon?"

"I think ... more the former." Angel rushed on as Cordelia processed this. "You know, she invited us to dinner tonight." He said, bemused by the banality of Buffy inviting them over for dinner as well Cordelia's unguarded surprise. 

"She? Invited _us ... _to dinner?" Her brows wrinkled in confusion. "Are you sure you guys, you know, didn't accidentally hit each other over the head or something? Something that made her go all Betty Crocker?" 

"Quite sure." Angel's eyes twinkled as he continued staring at her. "You up for it? We don't have to go if you don't want to." He added quickly.

Cordelia glanced carefully at Angel, seeing the light shining in his dark eyes before replying. "No, I think we should. I mean at least, _you _should. Are you sure she won't try to murder me if I go?" She quipped half-seriously. 

"She wouldn't do that." He playfully said, grabbing her hand tenderly. "It'd be good for you to see the whole gang again. Catch up with everyone. You can't avoid thinking about your past forever." 

She sighed in resignation. "I suppose, Oh Wise and Extremely Old one. Besides ... I'm really hungry." As if to prove her point, her stomach began to growl noisily. She giggled. "_Really_ hungry." 

"Good." Angel patted her hand affectionately as he rose, stretching his taut limbs. "I'm going to drive into town for a few ... things. We could go to Buffy's after I come back." He halted. "Maybe you could get all our stuff together while I'm gone. That way we could head off straight after dinner." 

A dangerous glint began to form in the corner of Cordelia's eyes at his commanding tone. "Anything else you'd like me to do? Clean your car? Do your laundry?" she asked ascerbically.

Angel smiled, feigning ignorance at her rancour. "Maybe ... you could put the rest of my blood in the ice pack? Wouldn't want it to go off you know." 

"No. Of course not." Angel could almost hear Cordelia grinding her teeth in mild irritation. "Anything else?" 

Angel pretended to ponder her question for a split second. "Yeah Cordy ... why don't you take a shower while I'm gone? You kinda ... smell." He grinned mischievously. 

That was it. Cordelia grabbed a cushion from the couch and threw it at him with all her might, hitting his perfectly gelled hair. "I don't smell. I have a _scent_. A lovely, womanly, sexy _scent_. And you're lucky that you can ... smell it mister."

Unusually aroused, Angel crossed the intervening distance between them and roughly wrapped an arm around her perfect waist, crushing his hard body against hers. "Yeah, you do." He whispered as he twirled her dark locks sensually with his free hand, dipping into the crook of her neck to inhale her scent more deeply. 

Before Cordelia could even think to respond, Angel quickly leaned for a light, tingling kiss, deepening in intensity as he began plundering her luscious mouth with his tongue, sweeping all thought from her mind and bringing to the fore a myriad of sensations teased to the zenith by his skilful exploration. Her arms slackened at the exhilarating unexpectedness of his actions, a moan escaping her in primal passion as she at last regained control of herself long enough to run her hands urgently through the strands of his silky hair and down to envelope his chiselled waist. 

He broke away at long last due to Cordelia's need for air, intently absorbing the dreamy expression in Cordelia's eyes before another devilish smile crept on his face. 

"Be back soon." With feigned casualness, as if he hadn't just experienced one of the most mind-blowing kisses of his life, he sauntered out of the mansion, leaving a breathless and profoundly confused Cordelia staring numbly in his wake. 

Cordelia was rooted to the spot. What the hell had just happened? 

Cordelia was extremely confused by Angel's erratic behaviour. She didn't know what to make of his rapidly shifting moods; she sure as hell hadn't been exposed to so many different facets of Angels during such a short period before. Angel had been the cornerstone of her life for over two years - she took comfort in the immutable knowledge that he was always calm, in control, kind, decent, caring ... collected. She felt safe knowing that there was always one person who she could always run to, scream at, cajole, whine and bicker with and it would be okay. 

But today - today he had been erratic, manipulative, devilish ... _playful. _It scared her because she wasn't used to this other less-safe Angel. Maybe it was due to the extreme proximity of the Hellmouth, or of the Slayer, or maybe he had drunk some bad blood - she didn't know. Cordelia just knew that there was going to a lot of learning about her best friend in the next few days - and she was both scared and excited by the prospect of such a profound change to their friendship. 

Cordelia's hand fingered her lips lightly in wonder. She had never, ever been kissed like that in her entire life which granted, didn't really say much since the sum total of her experiences consisted of high school jocks, Xander Harris, Wesley, Doyle, Wilson Christopher and most recently, Groo - none of whom had left her with this strange excitement that threatened to overwhelm her motor functions and thought patterns. She was still feeling the energy from the surprise kiss reverberate around her body - and it had just been _one _kiss. She shivered in fleeting anticipation of other, more tingly kisses from Angel - soon. 

Yep, soon. Very, _very _soon. 

Shaking herself out of stasis she headed towards the bedroom to fish out a fresh change of clothes. Angel had been right about one thing. She really needed a shower at the moment. 

A cold shower. 

(c) September 2001

   [1]: mailto:vivngan@iname.com



	7. Part 7

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

*~*~ **Part Seven **~*~*

"Stop it." Cordelia smacked Angel's hand away. 

"Cordy I just don't think it's a good idea ..." 

Cordelia made a shushing noise and glared at him. "What do you mean, it's not a good idea? It's a great idea. Now stop fussing." She reached out to press the door bell. 

Angel grabbed her hand and whispered urgently. "It's just not something ... I mean, I don't think Buffy would want to. It's not something I like to bandy about." 

"Bandy?" Cordelia stifled a giggle. "You're so 18th century sometimes." 

Annoyance crept over Angel's face. "Whatever." He breathed unnecessarily, controlling his frustration. Sometimes Cordy just pushed his control to the limit. "I just mean that it's not something I like to advertise - you know, the whole me being a demon blood sucker thing." 

"Demon schemon. Who cares? Anyway," she rolled on. "We might as well use her fridge. Do you _want _your blood to be all hot and gooey tonight?" She held up the cooler as if to emphasise her point. "Feel it, it's already getting warm. Another few hours in the car and it'd be all gooey like cheese, and who wants melted, off-blood when you can have cold, chilled nice-ish blood?" 

She pressed the bell adamantly as if the issue was completely settled. Which it was not in Angel's opinion. 

"Well it wouldn't be warm at all if _someone _hadn't forgotten to freeze the ice packs before we left."

Cordelia placidly ignored him.

Angel tried reasoning with her. "Cordy ..." He began, injecting a little more annoyance in his tone as he tried to swipe the pack from her hand. "The night's going to be awkward enough as it is. You and Buffy will be in the same room -"

She pooh poohed his argument, expertly swatting his outreached hands away. "All the more reason for you to have fresh, chilled blood. You'll need all the vamp nutrients you can get to recover from it. And if you think I'm going to put up with a sick vampire on the road to Vegas, you've got another thing coming, broody boy." 

"We're going to Vegas?" Angel asked, startled. "When did this happen?" 

"Just now." Cordelia said infuriatingly. 

"And ... when were you going to inform me of your Highness' decision?" Angel gritted out through his teeth. 

"I just told you, didn't I?" She smiled winsomely at him knowing she had won the argument. Angel may be manipulative at times, but Cordelia Chase still had her moves, particularly when it came to guys. And Angel was most definitely a guy... well, vampire. 

Angel blinked as she peered innocently at him. How come he always let his devious seer get the better of him? 

"Cordy. Give it to me -"

"No!" She fended his much stronger arms away. 

"I mean it, give it -"

"Hey!" Cordelia protested as Angel succeeded in swiping the cooler. "Give it back! God, you'd think you'd be grateful for your blood to be all nice and cool." She gave him her most luscious pout. "I'm only doing this 'cause you're my friend. Do you _think _I'd do this for every vampire that I knew?" 

She attempted to grab the cooler back but Angel used his vampiric speed and strength to repel her efforts. She continued pouting, knowing full well its devastating effect on him. 

"C'mon Angel ... please?" She wheedled, stepping closer and wrapping her small hands around him in her attempt to recover the cooler. "It's for your own good after all. Please?" 

Angel allowed himself to be distracted by her devastating pout, but was wise enough to keep enough of his senses to combat her devious tactics. 

He grinned devilishly. "I'm touched Cordy, I really am. But ... I don't think so. Now behave." He paused as he tried to peer inside. "Why isn't someone answering the door?" He pressed the door bell another time. 

Cordelia almost stomped her foot in frustration. Why was he being so stubborn about this? 

"Angel ..." She entreated. 

"No. I'm putting it back in the car." 

She stared at him defeat. "Fine. Put your stupid blood in your stupid car. See if I care." 

Angel shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Okay." 

As he started walking away, Cordelia made a desperate lunge for the cooler but Angel's vice-like grip was too strong. They began to battle for the blood, their hands engaged in the ultimate war for its possession.

The door opened amidst their intense jockeying for the pack, revealing an extremely confused Buffy observing their childish antics with the air of a patient adult. 

"What are you guys doing?" She asked curiously.

Angel and Cordelia looked at her sheepishly, Angel carefully concealing the cooler behind his back. "Buffy. Hi." Angel stared at Cordelia, daring her to keep quiet. "We're here." 

"I can see." Buffy said primly, not put off by Angel's strangled tone. "Cordelia ... I'm glad you came." Trying to smile broadly at the other girl she added, "Come in." 

"Thanks." Staring pointedly at Angel, she hastily grabbed the cooler from behind him. Holding the cooler up as Angel battled for it one last time, Cordelia said brightly, "Buffy, we were wondering whether we could put this in your fridge tonight?" 

Buffy surveyed the cooler in Cordelia's outstretched hand curiously. "Sure. What is it?" 

"It's Angel's blood." Cordelia said matter-of-factly. "It's threatening to go all icky and off if we leave it in the car. You know how that is." 

Buffy screwed up her nose in disgust but led the way to the kitchen. "Actually, I don't. Which I'm kinda grateful for now that I think about it." 

Angel rubbed his neck apologetically. "I'm sorry Buffy, I tried to stop her ... I mean -" 

"Relax Angel, it's no big. It's not like Spike doesn't leave his blood here sometimes." She rolled her large eyes heavenwards. "Although it _is _kinda of the ick when you go to grab some cranberry juice and it turns out to not exactly be ... juice." 

Angel rocked still behind the girls as they proceeded to the kitchen. 

"Buffy, did you just say that Spike sometimes leaves his blood here?" He asked, surprise giving way to bafflement. 

"Yeah. Him and Dawn hang out a lot." Buffy cleared a space inside the well-stocked refrigerator and frowned. "Do you guys want something to drink?" 

"Do you have soda?" 

Buffy silently handed her a can. "Angel?" 

He shook his head mutely, still unable to process the improbability of Spike leaving blood in Buffy's kitchen. "Spike?"

She smiled at his amazement as Cordelia looked on. "For the last time - yes. I told you about that. You know, the whole Initiative chip in his brain so he can't hurt anyone thing and the whole Glory thing ..." 

"Yeah but ... I guess I didn't think you'd ever let him inside the door, much less ..." 

"Yeah well, " Buffy said quietly. "It's strange how things turn out sometimes." She gave him a small smile. "Besides, he really tried taking care of Dawn while I was gone and I'm grateful. He seems to really care." 

Angel refrained from voicing his true concerns about Spike. While it hurt in a strange way to think that Spike was more a part of Buffy's life than he was, one look at Buffy's round blue orbs told him that he had nothing to worry about in terms of Spike's genuine regard for her and Dawn. 

It was just really strange to think that Spike of all vampires was now welcome inside Buffy's home. Like he had in some way taken Angel's place by Buffy's side, being her devoted supporter, helping her when she needed him to help. 

It was really, _really _strange. Angel was the king of understatements sometimes. 

"Angel!" The meaningful silence was shattered as Dawn came bounding into the kitchen, hugging the vampire in excitement. 

"Dawn." Angel hugged the younger Summers back, a smile of delight lighting up his normally sombre face. "You've grown." 

"Yeah well, I hear that tends to happen sometimes." She looked around and spied Cordelia. "Hey Cordelia." 

"Hey Dawn." Cordelia smiled sincerely at the younger girl as she bounced to the fridge to grab a soda. "When did you guys get here?" 

"Just then." She leaned in closer to inspect Dawn's straight, lustrous hair. "You've done something to your hair." She noted, fingering the strands carefully.

One of Dawn's hands flew to her hair self-consciously. "Yeah. I was experimenting with those coloured hair wash things. Didn't really turn out though." 

Cordelia continued to scrutinise Dawn's hair, her expression thoughtful. "Which colour did you use?" 

"It was ... I forget exactly. Mahogany or something. I didn't want to do anything too drastic you know, in case it turned my hair green or something." 

"Maybe next time you might want to try something with a bit more of a reddish tint to it. You've got beautiful hair Dawn. " She ruffled the younger girl's hair fondly. "Yeah I definitely think you should try something with a bit more red." 

"Thanks Cordelia." Dawn said, genuinely surprised at the interest the older girl gave her. Cordelia had mostly ignored her presence whenever she had had to come to their house for Scooby meetings, and this was probably one of the first times that she had even said more than ten words to the teenager. 

Buffy was also surprised but hid it quickly. Obviously many things had changed in the past few years and it would just take some getting used to. 

Buffy eyed Dawn's outfit curiously in the languidly awkward silence that ensued. "Where do you think you're going?" she demanded, sounding slightly too momish for her taste. 

Her sister huffed defensively, "I'm just going to Sarah's for a while." She added snarkily, "Don't worry, I'll be back before dinner." 

"No you're _not_." Buffy gazed instinctively out the window. "The sun's just set and there's no way you're walking two blocks. You might as well wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm right here, bite me'." 

"Well, duh. Of _course_ I wasn't going to go out alone." Dawn's smile was sweetly contrite and perfectly insincere. "Angel can walk me there." 

"I am?" 

"He is?" 

Angel looked as surprised as Buffy felt. "And have you bothered asking him first?" 

"Well ..." Dawn looked at Angel, grinning impishly. "I'm sure he doesn't mind, right Angel? Besides," she glanced slyly at her sister, "I was gonna wait until Spike turned up, but I figure you'd appreciate it more if you could spend some quality time with him. " 

Buffy's face suddenly coloured a deep shade of red but she resolutely allowed the comment to pass. She pursed her lips. "Just be back before 8." She smiled apologetically at Angel. "Do you mind walking her, Angel? I'd usually trust Spike, but he isn't here yet ..." 

"No, it's fine Buffy." He turned to Dawn who had hurriedly put on her jacket and was now waiting impatiently by the door. "I'll take care of her." 

"Thanks Angel." Buffy eyed Dawn suspiciously, but the younger girl paid no heed. "I mean it Dawn. Before 8." 

Dawn rolled her eyes impatiently. "Sure, whatever." 

Smiling in farewell, Angel closed the door behind them, reserving the slightest of grins for Cordelia as their eyes met. 

Buffy and Cordelia turned their gazes awkwardly towards each other, suddenly realising they were utterly and completely alone. And neither really had any idea what to do next. 

(c) November 2001


	8. Part 8

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

"So ..." Buffy stared blankly at the quiet brunette in front of her. While a part of her could almost immediately absorb the dramatic changes that were evident in Cordelia's features and attitude, another part of her was still mystified at how such a change could have taken place. Try as she might, the memory of the vain and often shallow Cordelia Chase of Sunnydale High still loomed large and unshakeable in the vaults of her mind. 

Although ... Buffy realised that she herself had some claims on changing dramatically within these past two years, particularly with the dying and then coming back to life again. 

"So." Cordelia's hazel eyes met the Slayer's gaze unflinchingly. "Do you need any help with the cooking or anything?" 

Buffy blinked owlishly at Cordelia, still caught in the snare of her thoughts. "Cooking?"

Cordelia suppressed an urge to sigh in exasperation. "You know, cooking the food that we're going to have tonight? I mean, call me crazy, but I kinda assumed we'd have food, it being dinner and all." 

"Oh, you mean ... the food." Buffy smiled sheepishly as she faltered in the other girl's unrelenting gaze. She had the uncomfortable feeling that Cordelia was able to sense a whole lot more about her than she had before, and possibly, a whole lot more than what other people in general knew about Buffy. The newly risen from the dead Slayer who wasn't quite as happy to be alive as the people around her generally believed her to be. 

"Yeah ..." She trailed off as she grabbed several pots and some uncooked pasta lying from the pantry. "That'd be nice." 

Cordelia smiled, the first relaxed gesture she had been able to muster since coming into Buffy's presence. Although she had resolutely determined that Buffy wasn't going to be a factor tonight, she still couldn't help but be wary of the immenseness of the history between her and Angel. On some level she felt the inferiority of hers and Angel's fledgling whatever-they-had as compared to the Romeo and Julietness of the Angel and Buffy saga, but she also knew that on another level she was determined to push this feeling back. It wasn't fair on anyone, least of all herself, to make such comparisons. It was like comparing apples and oranges, and ... well, whatever the saying was. It was just bad. 

Which was why she had come tonight resolved to be super-duper nice to little Miss likes to fight. Cordelia Chase was too good of a human being and seer to her Angel to not to put her dazzling social skills to good use. 

"I've got to warn you Buffy ... I'm not exactly too good with the cooking." She confessed as Buffy turned around. "Actually I suck. Angel has vamp taste buds and even _he_ gets scared when I get into the kitchen. Wes and Gunn run away when they think I'm going to cook. Even Fred, Pylean refugee that she is, can do tacos. About the only thing I can do is boil water, toast waffles and brew coffee." 

Buffy faced her gravely, although her blue orbs were twinkling with amusement. "Can you chop these vegetables?" She pointed to some tomatoes, carrots and other sundry vegetables lying sedately next to a clean chopping board. 

"Sure." Phew. Cordelia could do that. The only times Angel had let her near the kitchen when he cooked was to let her chop up stuff. It was something that not even she could ruin. 

The two girls prepared the food in silence. The strangeness of the scene wasn't lost on either of them, but it seemed that the domestic setting of Buffy's house, the slow simmering of the pasta and the tranquillity of the not entirely uncomfortable silence had made it possible, however temporary, for them to forget the concerns of their immediate existence. Buffy was simply a young woman preparing dinner for her friends; Cordelia was simply helping her out. Thoughts of demons and resurrections and vision headaches were able to be put aside - for a small fraction of their lives, at least. 

It was Cordelia who broke the peaceful silence that had descended between them. 

"What's it like?" She asked quietly. 

Buffy snapped her head towards Cordelia, somehow aware that Cordelia wasn't inquiring about what it was like to be a Slayer, or to be able to cook, or a million other things she could have meant, but didn't. "Dying?" 

"Yeah." 

Buffy drew a deep, shaky breath. It was the first time anyone had directly confronted her with her death. Everyone, especially Willow and Xander, had simply taken it for granted that she was happy and glad to be alive. The three months she had spent dead were glossed over simply as the period that she wasn't with them, as if she had just gone on a holiday and they neither wished to know about it, or didn't care. They were just glad that she was with them again. Which was sweet and touching, in a way. In another way ... it wasn't, and never would be. 

She dried her hands deliberately, words ricocheting around in her mind. How could anyone put into words what it felt like, being dead? Being ... at peace. In Heaven. 

There, she had said it. Heaven. She who had fought demons and vampires and monsters week after week for 6 years had taken the idea of God and Heaven in her stride. Crosses and holy water had helped her to repel vampires and she had always taken a strange, though fleeting comfort that if she did die, she would go to a place that wasn't hell. But that had been it. She hadn't really thought about what it would be like, to be in Heaven. Was it a place where people had ice-cream everyday? Was it a place where you could be with your friends with no vampires or demons to ruin the fun? Or was it simply a place that wasn't Hell? 

But now she knew. 

"I don't really remember too much of it." She swallowed, eyeing Cordelia as she gave up any pretence of chopping the tomatoes lying in front of her. "All I remember was that ... it was ... peaceful. And nice." 

Cordelia's hazel eyes bored into hers intensely, steadily. "What did you feel ... before?" 

Buffy looked away hurriedly, momentarily pained by the memory. She gazed out of the window into the inky darkness of the night. "Just pain. But you know ..." she forced herself to go on, "I think it was over pretty quick. After that it was ... nice." 

Cordelia's face melted briefly into a warm, sympathetic smile. There was a strange, peculiar kind of pain in Buffy's dark blue orbs that hadn't quite been there before, but which was now strongly evident in every look and stare that the Slayer bestowed. It had struck Cordelia when she had first seen Buffy tonight. She wondered why Xander hadn't mentioned it to her when they had talked this afternoon. It wasn't something that anyone could really miss. 

For all her sympathy Cordelia was eyeing the Slayer with a steady gaze, laced with ambiguity and to Buffy at least, also a strange kind of understanding and comfort. When had Cordelia gotten this good at conveying emotion, and when had Buffy gotten this good at receiving it?

Buffy shook off her thoughts and smiled briefly at the ex-cheerleader. She was about to resume straining the pasta when Cordelia suddenly stated matter-of-factly, "I'm dying." 

For the second time tonight Buffy snapped her head up to gaze at Cordelia, a chill creeping into every synapse of her body. Her round blue eyes shone in the dimness of the light and shock and sympathy and warmth rolled forth in unsallied waves from its intense depths. Her entire body was locked in stasis while Cordelia continued to gaze at her with calm, steady eyes.

Buffy wanted to rant and contradict, to say the million comforting things that one was expected to say in such a situation. Of course you're not dying, Cordelia, how could you say that? Or, What the hell are you talking about? You're not going to die. You think Angel or Wes or anyone else will let you? Don't talk like that.

But she found herself unable to say the words out loud. Unable, because she could sense that Cordelia herself felt it with a strange certainty. As if being a seer had opened her eyes to another kind of truth, a kind that could only be viewed by those who regularly traversed the paths of some higher power. And Buffy, having fleetingly glimpsed that higher reality in Heaven, had instinctively recognised it for what it was. 

"The visions?" 

"Yeah." Cordelia's lips pressed tightly together, determined to remain calm and mature about things. She had been vaguely aware for several months now that her health had been deteriorating badly, and not just in an inconvenient to her non-existent social life kind of way. There had been signs that she had been determined that no one else but her should see. The increasing waves of pain after every vision, the increasing amounts of energy needed to maintain her front of 'I'll be okay in a while, I just need some rest.' She vibrated with visions for hours, even days after she had experienced them. And the sign that had finally made her face the truth? Post-vision bleeding - from her nose, her ears, and God knows where else. It was evident that her body wasn't doing too well with the visions; it was going to be a matter of time before it stopped functioning altogether. 

She pretended to be engrossed in the lines of kitchen counter as she continued. "It hurts a lot, sometimes. Actually, all the time. Sometimes I catch myself wishing that I could die, just so it'd stop hurting." She smiled ruefully at Buffy, her calm exterior cracking momentarily into vulnerability. "But I'm scared Buffy. I'm scared of the ... after." 

Buffy's eyes cast downward, unable to handle the sight of Cordelia's eyes - those honest, intense hazel eyes that she had never thought she'd miss in her high school days, but now would. "Does ... does Angel know?" 

"No." She shook her head with determination. "I don't ... I know it's not fair to him, but I don't want him to know yet. He's been through so much this year, what with ..." She glanced towards Buffy, "He seems happier now and I don't want to spoil it for him. I know how he brooded after Doyle died and there'll be plenty of time for that after I'm, well, dead." 

Buffy protested at her morbidness and Cordelia smiled ruefully. "Okay, that _was _a bit cheesy martyr-y of me, wasn't it? I just ... I wanted to be happy a bit before ... you know, if it happens. And God, this may be even lamer than Angel's singing but ... when Angel's happy I'm happy too. Which is total sapsville, but hey, I think I'm entitled to it, and ... Why are you looking at me like that?" 

Buffy was staring at her with an expression that plainly suggested disagreement, but in a nice way. "I just ... I just think that maybe you should give some thought to telling Angel, that's all." She paused thoughtfully. "Cordelia, you know Angel better than I do, but don't you think that he'd like to know about this? He'd want to be there for you, and God, as if he's going to take this lying down. He deserves to do everything he could to save you, you know that." 

Cordelia _did _know, and it rankled that she had to hear it from Buffy for its truth to resonate within her. For weeks she had pretended that she was being noble and self-sacrificing, keeping up her facade of normality. It was for Angel's sake wasn't it, and for Wes and Gunn and Fred who were all part of her family? How could she do this to them? Leave them? 

Buffy pursed her lips and continued. "I made the mistake with Riley to not let him inside because I thought I was strong and I didn't need anyone to take care of me or to worry about me. But the truth was that I needed to be taken care of." Her blue eyes met Cordelia's hazel ones honestly, imploringly. "Don't make the same mistake I did." 

Cordelia rocked still with Buffy's revelation, and it disturbed her to know that the Slayer was probably ... most definitely, right. She wanted to say something back to the petite blonde, who had resolutely taken up Cordelia's task in chopping vegetables, but she didn't know exactly what to say. It was strange enough that she and the oh-so-wonderful Buffy had just had some sort of girly heart to heart; it was stranger still to think that she had admitted all those things to Buffy, of all people, for the first time since she'd felt them. It was liberating, and not at all what Cordelia thought it'd feel like for someone to know her situation. At the back of her mind she had expected pity and tears and hugging but there hadn't been any of that with Buffy, and she was glad. It would've been too much to absorb in one day. 

(c) November 2001


	9. Part 9

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

__

Just like to say a huge thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to leave feedback here or write to me personally about this story. I went away for a while and so stopped writing it, but now I'm back and more parts will come soon! 

****

*~*~ Part Nine ~*~*

The liberating silence continued for a while, Buffy now occupied with draining the pasta and mixing in the accompanying marinara sauce while Cordelia looked on. 

Suddenly the brunette's eyes twinkled, her mind catching on to details the other girl had imparted about a certain bleached blonde vampire. "What's with you and Spike?" 

Buffy's head jerked up, her surprise almost leading her to burn herself with scalding water. "Wh-what?" 

"You know - you said how Spike left his blood here sometimes?" 

"No I didn't." 

"Yes you did." Cordelia insisted. "What gives?" 

Buffy swallowed hard, recovering enough to turn back to the stove top. "I already said ... he comes over because he hangs with Dawn a lot. He's been ... very good to her." 

Cordelia eyed the blonde astutely. "To you as well." 

Blue eyes rose in confusion from the mist of steam spreading between them, as Buffy's face turned a crimson hue. "Yeah, to me as well." 

"You like him." Cordelia lifted her brows matter-of-factly. 

Buffy's mouth opened to protest, but she quickly changed her mind and plunged on, words suddenly tumbling unceremoniously over each other. "It's ... it's so confusing. It's sick ... and wrong ... and bad ... and, and ... did I mention it was wrong?" She bit her lip. "I mean - he's bad. I can't - I shouldn't be doing this ..."

"What?" 

Buffy couldn't say it. She just couldn't admit, even to herself, the way she felt about Spike. Or more accurately, the way that Spike made her feel, passionate and loved and right and connected and - God - _alive. _That was the crux of it, this relationship or thing or whatever she and Spike shared at the moment, and that none of the Scoobies remotely knew about, because if they did they'd probably kill her and send her back to whatever hell dimension they thought she'd been banished to after jumping into that portal. They'd think she was some sort of hell creature version of Buffy, someone who wasn't even all that human because how could she be human when she could feel that way about Spike? 

"Buffy ...?" Cordelia looked at the Slayer, sympathy welling in her orbs. "He's a vampire, I get that. But ... you know, stranger things _have _happened. I can't think of any right now ..." 

"Cordelia you don't get it ... he's a vampire. I'm the Slayer." 

"Angel was a vampire. And correct me if I'm wrong, but you were the Slayer back then too." 

"But Angel had a soul." 

"And now Spike's got a covert government chip in that bleached head of his and - how often does he bleach that hair anyway because I don't see any roots ... which is _so _not the point ... the point being, that he can't hurt people now anyway, so ..."

"So? Cordy it's completely different. Angel has a soul - he knows the difference between right and wrong. And he has a conscience ... Spike's just a killer, a demon that's going to kill if he ever gets that chip out of his brain." 

Cordelia rolled her eyes in irritation. "Oh come _on _Buffy, you know it's not as simple as that." She took a breath, willing herself to calm down. "Angel went mental last year and locked a bunch of lawyers in a room with Darla and Dru, pretty much guaranteeing them an all-the-lawyers-you-can-eat buffet. Spike could've locked a whole bunch of people in a room with a couple of vamps or whatever or killed them some other way and had himself a feast, but he didn't. Or he could've cast a spell on some demon or whatever and have _him _kill someone or ... you get my point Buffy? If there's one thing I've learnt in the last few years is ... things are just not as simple as that." 

Buffy remained immobile, so Cordelia continued. "You know what I think? This isn't all about Spike at all. You're scared, because you've changed into something - or someone - " she quickly corrected, "you never thought you'd be. You're not the annoying perky little Slayer gal that saved everyone's lives like, a million times in high school. You're new and weird with the coming back to life thing so it's natural that things are weird too because you're looking at yourself through old-Buffy eyes when you should be looking through new-Buffy eyes, and - and - you kinda get what I'm trying to say here?" 

"Wow. That's ... wow." Buffy turned her shocked blue eyes up to confront Cordelia's earnest hazel ones, before the beginnings of a smile crept over her features. "Can you read souls or something with those visions of yours?" 

"Well, not as a general rule because - how cool would that be?" Cordelia's smile faded. "I had a vision of you and that giant calamari demon ... and when I have visions I see and feel what the person's seeing and ... feeling." 

"Oh." Buffy trailed off quietly, still a little disconcerted by the ease with which Cordelia enunciated her confusion in the past few months. She had been in turmoil over so many things - why she had been allowed to come back to life, and her growing feelings for Spike - things that had disturbed her more thoroughly than any demon or uprising or apocalypse ever could have. And suddenly in just a few hours both Angel and Cordelia had come charging into that confusion in their own way and made her feel more comfortable about those things ... made her feel more comfortable about herself. 

"Yeah - 'oh'." Cordelia drew herself on the counter top and shrugged. "Getting the visions is just the start when we're trying to save whoever. Sometimes part of helping the hopeless is about saving them from themselves. Getting them to realise it is the hard part." She stared pointedly at the Slayer. 

Buffy smiled. "Message received loud and clear." She switched off the stove. "Could you hand me those plates over there? And ... thanks Cordelia." 

"No problem." Cordelia solemnly passed her the first plate. "And no ... I don't think that you enjoying sex with a demon is bad." She rambled on, oblivious to the look of embarrassment on Buffy's face. "Sex can be good, if you let it be. It can be a real connection. I mean, I'd like to get a little of that action if you know what I mean. But not with Spike 'cause that's ... ew." She shuddered. "With Angel it'd be ... good ... I'm thinking. Sure there's the curse which means we can never - but I mean, he doesn't _have _to get a happy right? I could technically get one and I'd be happy, and as long as he doesn't get too happy about giving me a happy, then we'd both be happy, and ..." Cordelia reddened. "I'd appreciate it if we never mention this part of the conversation again." 

Buffy smiled tightly. "Good idea." While she and Angel had come to an understanding about their past, it still stung a little to imagine Angel and Cordelia together. Regardless of what would happen in her life with Spike it would take her a while to get rid of the petty little feeling of jealousy on her part. 

But she realised that was okay. She didn't have to beat herself up over the way she was feeling because ... this was what it was like to feel. To feel was to live, which was what life was all about. And as long as she was willing to acknowledge her feelings things would work out ... hopefully. 

Suddenly a disturbingly familiar figure in the form of - who else - Spike strode casually into the kitchen, and Buffy groaned inwardly despite her newly-formed resolution. Spilling and discussing her innermost confusion regarding Spike had taken a lot out of her, and Buffy didn't know whether she had enough energy to deal with him - and Angel - in the same house. 

Only time would tell. 

__

Author's Notes: Just wanted to emphasise that I began this story pre-Angel Season 3 and pre-Buffy Season 6, so any deviations about characterisations and events can be tied to that fact. 

(c) February 2002


	10. Part 10

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

****

*~*~ Part Ten ~*~*

"Cordelia, you look smashing." 

"Thanks! Can't say the same about you." She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. "Between you and me, I think that Billy Idol hair is about 30 years past its use-by date. But hey, at least you're less with the black and more with the colours, which for a vampire is always of the good ... Are you wearing khaki pants?"

The blonde vampire looked down self-consciously, shuffling uncomfortably under Cordelia's amused gaze. "So what if I am? What's it to you?" He looked around and grinned suggestively. "Speaking of which, what are you doing here? Don't tell me nancy boy's gone and left you all lonesome for company." 

Cordelia shrugged nonchalantly. "He's out with Dawn. He should be back soon, so you might want to start shaking in your faux Italian designer boots." 

"Hey!" He inspected his boots and said indignantly, "I stole these off a guy who was ..." He trailed off at the look on Buffy's face. "... who was nice and gave them to me because I saved him from some very, very bad men and ... bloody hell, since when can't a vampire go and rob some poor pathetic loser? What's the bloody world coming to?"

Cordelia gave another shrug of her small shoulders, giving Spike a 'whatever' look. Buffy rolled her large blue eyes and was about to retort when the sound of the front door opening disturbed her train of thought. 

"We're back!" Dawn's voice drifted into the kitchen a second before Cordelia, Buffy and Spike saw her enter the room with Angel in tow, looking distinctly uncomfortable as if he had been having a distinctly uncomfortable conversation with the Slayer's teenage sister. His eyes searched Cordelia's for comfort and she beamed sympathetically back at him, understanding flowing from her hazel eyes. After all she had been 15 once and knew what a trial she had been at that age, all perky and willing to say anything shocking. She had always had success giving her conservative relatives hell whenever she had the displeasure of visiting them over the holidays. 

Angel was about to unleash a rare smile when his gaze caught the presence of Spike, the blonde vampire's eyes twinkling insolently at him. 

"Angel." 

Angel's jaw rippled, and Cordelia knew he longed to take that bleached head and stick it where the sun _did _shine. "Spike." 

There was a tense silence. 

"So ..." Spike glanced at Buffy, noting the commanding expression on her face, half pleading and half threatening for him to _not _rock the boat tonight. 

He sighed, and a moment later said resignedly, "What have you been doing with yourself, you great ponce? Prancing about saving lives and all?" 

Angel visibly gritted his teeth and fought to retain his composure. "Something like that." 

Spike grinned fiendishly, pleased to see Angel's irritation grate so visibly on his pale features. "What it must be years since I last saw you prance about in that coat of yours, overhanging brow and all."

"Two years actually - you nearly had me tortured to death, remember?" 

"Oh, right." Spike's brows creased and he offered Angel a cigarette. "Well, hope there are no hard feelings, yeah? Wasn't personal anyhow ... Except for the part where I wanted to see my grand sire cry like a girl." 

"Spike, I need you to help me in the ... in the garden." Buffy burst out in a high pitched voice, desperate to separate the two vampires before any actual fighting broke out between them. She did not want blood shed in her house and besides, she had washed her carpets just last week and it had cost her a fortune and she didn't want to clean any blood out of her carpets unnecessarily if she didn't have to. 

She yanked the brazen blonde vampire after her, leaving Angel and Cordelia alone with a smirking Dawn. "You guys want something to drink?" 

Cordelia shook her head in response as Dawn shrugged and climbed the stairs up to her room. Angel continued to stare after Buffy and Spike. 

It was hard for Angel to even contemplate - let alone understand - the role Spike played in Buffy's life at the moment. Although he had been reassured over and over again by Buffy that afternoon that she really was doing okay, he just couldn't grasp the fact that Spike - a vampire with no soul - had earned Buffy's complete trust in so short a time. Although Angel was acutely aware that he was not actually unbiased in the matter (owing to the hot poker 'incident' in LA), it was still a stretch in _anyone's _imagination that Buffy ... his Buffy ... welcomed Spike's help and support so clearly, so often ... and so fully. 

Angel had not born yesterday. Despite his bumbling social ineptness, he had read between the lines as Buffy was telling him about her life earlier in the afternoon. 'Spike was good now, he really was.' ' Spike protected Dawn when I was dead, he kept a promise to me before I died.' And, the most telling of all - 'Spike's the only one who understands who I am now - really understands.' 

Angel prided himself on being somewhat of a Sensitive New Age Vampire - so he left the scary visuals for a later day, and hoped that Buffy's trust in his bleached blonde progeny was completed deserved and warranted. He also tried to thrust the thought to the back of his mind that Spike might one day get that chip out of his head and kill everyone that Angel cared for in Sunnydale ... all because Angel had trusted Buffy who had in turn trusted Spike. 

And so Angel was going to at any rate, attempt to keep himself from ripping Spike's throat open with his bare teeth and yanking his insides out by force ... all because he was trying to do the human thing and trust his friend. Trust that Buffy knew what she was doing. 

"Angel ...?" Cordelia's soft, sympathetic voice pulled him out of his brooding thoughts and Angel came back to the present, confronted by a pair of clear hazel eyes. "She's okay you know." 

"What? I wasn't -" 

"Yes you were." She smiled. "You had the 'I'm going to descend into a vortex of brood' kinda look. _Not _gonna happen on this trip - not while I'm around anyway." 

He sighed ruefully and ran a hand through perfectly sculpted hair. "I worry, that's all. She doesn't know Spike like I do -" 

"Like you _used _to -" Cordelia corrected. 

"Like I used to." Angel conceded. "I can't help it. No matter what he's done, he's still a vampire. Who can kill ..." 

"Buffy's going through a lot of ... stuff at the moment. I mean, if you came back to life which ... you have ... you'd be all messed up too." Seeing Angel's face, she hurried on. "Not that she's messed up ... But you know, she's got issues - issues that she'll work out on her own. And besides, she's still Slayer gal. If anything goes wrong she'll slay him dead, 'cause that's what she does." 

"How do you know all this?" Angel came forward, gently enfolding her in his arms and smiling down at his Seer's sparkling eyes. 

"It's in my job description." Cordelia replied cheekily before continuing. "Trust me Angel, she's going to be all right." 

"I trust you." He whispered, his voice sinking to a husky baritone as he leaned in, dipping himself into the crook of her shoulder and inhaling her sweetness. "What will I do without you?" 

Cordelia started, confusing colouring her features and thanking her lucky stars that Angel was not in a position to see her expression at that moment. Buffy's earlier advice echoed in her mind, duelling with her earlier determination to keep the whole dying thing from the knowledge of her best friend, her champion, her warrior. 

Was it selfish of her to keep the news from Angel? She had told herself that it was noble and right that she keep the news to herself, and not inflict any more pain on Angel - he who had already gone through more unbearable pain in his life than most people could even imagine, enough to last him a dozen lifetimes. He had just gotten his life straightened out ... well, as straight as a 248 year old vampire could anyway. She didn't need to rock his boat now. 

But had she ever thought how he would feel when she actually died? If Wes or Gunn or Fred had died, and she hadn't done anything to stop it ... how bad would she feel? How guilty would Angel feel, seeing her in her grave, beating himself up over and over again about the thousand little signs that he had missed, all pointing to that one irrefutable fact? The post-vision bleeding ... the frequent naps that she now had to take to recover from each vision ... the medication stashed at the Hyperion ... at home ... Would it be better or worse for him, if he had known? If he knew now? 

She gently disentangled herself from his embrace. She took a moment to absorb those piercing chocolate brown eyes, those eyes that were so intense and searing and seemed to be able to see into her soul so clearly without effort. She had worked beside him for three years and yet she had never ceased to be surprised at the amount of emotion that he could express in those eyes or the emotion he could hold in check. 

She would miss those eyes. 

"Cordy ... what is it?" 

She almost jumped, so intense had been her contemplation of Angel's eyes. His beautiful, expressive ... questioning eyes. 

She took a deep breath. "Angel, I have something to tell you." 

"What? What is it?" 

"I ... I'm -" 

"We're here! Sorry about the late, but Anya insisted on driving and then we had to pick up Wil from campus -" Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara stopped short when they saw Angel and Cordelia in front of them. "Angel, Cordy you made it! Hey, is the Buffmeister around? I'm starving. I'm dying to eat something." 

Cordelia gave them her patented Queen C smile, as bright and as false as she could muster. Talk about monumentally bad timing. She ran a hand through her mid-length locks nervously, trying to not appear too anxious."I think she's out back. I'll - uh, set the table." 

Cordelia excused herself while Xander charged past her, eager to find Buffy and start eating. Anya stared openly and unabashedly at Angel, curiosity shining in her wide eyes, while Tara hovered indistinctly behind Willow, shyly trying to avoid Angel's astute gaze. 

"Hey Angel." Willow beamed in greeting, no longer the shy and soft spoken girl that Angel had known her to be. Instead her large and confident eyes stared back at him, and Angel felt a prickling sensation creep up his spine and lodge firmly just at the top of his head. It took him more than a moment to register that what he was sensing - very clearly - was the sort of power ancient powers killed for ... and that Willow now had in abundance. 

He almost had to shake himself out of shock. Willow was now clearly an extremely powerful witch. His brow creased as his concern peaked, but his concentration was disturbed by the banging of the side door as Xander trooped in, with a confused looking Buffy and a less insolent Spike in tow. They seemed to be having an intense discussion of sorts and both looked slightly off-coloured. 

"Go ahead guys, I'll bring the food out." Tara glanced shyly away from Angel and offered to help Buffy bring out the food, which Buffy gratefully accepted. As she passed the stairs, she hollered, "Dawn! Get your butt down here and help out! Dinner's ready!"

They entered the dining room where Cordelia was busy placing the last of the utensils on the long table, and Angel was careful to select a place as far away from Spike as possible. Spike seemed to be reciprocating the favour by choosing a seat at the exact opposite end from Angel, where he slumped gratefully waiting for the meal to begin. Cordelia slipped herself neatly in a seat beside Angel, while Anya and Xander sat opposite them. Willow sat down next to Cordelia. 

When Buffy, Dawn and Tara were finally seated, an awkward silence descended on the room, an untimely reminder of all the complex and myriad changes the group had endured since they had last seen one another. Angel cleared his throat conspicuously, while Spike kept his smirk in check. Buffy looked decidedly uncomfortable now that everyone was in such close proximity - especially the two vampires - while Dawn looked around curiously to see how everyone would get along. 

The awkward stillness hung in the air until Xander couldn't take any more of it. "Well, can we eat now or what?" He burst out. 

The awkwardness hung for another moment or so before Buffy suddenly grinned, blue orbs sparkling in the dim light. "We eat." 

(c) February 2002 


	11. Part 11

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

****

*~*~ Part Eleven ~*~*

Clinks of forks scraping against china were all that could be heard as the guests ate in the still silence. It had been one thing for Angel and Cordelia to come to dinner at Buffy's house; it was an entirely different thing to actually attempt to socialise with the Scoobies themselves. The thought of trying to make 'small talk' with the Scoobies (something Cordy assured Angel was necessary to his survival in human company and hence to be tolerated at all costs) unsettled him. Angel didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable at the thought; maybe it was because it was such a significant change from before ... when things had been so different. That by behaving differently now, they were all somehow cementing the irrevocable changes that had occurred in all of their lives during the past years. Buffy and Spike ... Anya and Xander ... Willow and Tara ... Dawn ... 

Change didn't have to be bad and in this case it really wasn't, but Angel realised with a start that it _was _frightening. Frightening because it meant that they, consciously or not, recognised the future for what it was - unknown and scary. Which was an extremely non-intellectual and non-philosophical way to put things, but really ... was even he supposed to be deep brooding philosophical guy all the time? 

Angel caught Cordelia rubbing her temples wearily, capturing his attention. "Cordy, you okay?" 

She gritted her teeth at the sight of the entire table staring in her direction. Knowing that concern was Angel's overriding motivation - and not a desire to embarrass her to death by throwing the spotlight on her at such an inopportune moment - she glanced hard at him for a long moment, before smiling briefly and saying in a low voice, "I'm okay." She turned to address the whole table. "Really guys, I'm fine. Just a post-visiony headache." 

Angel made a move to stand up. "You want me to get you something? Pain killers ..." 

Cordelia placed a slender hand on one of Angel's. "No, I've got some here." She gestured to her handbag lying at her side. 

Angel's brow furrowed even more. "You sure? Do you need to lie down or anything?" 

"Yeah, you could lie down upstairs ..." 

Cordelia smiled tightly at Buffy. "No that's okay, thanks." She looked at Angel, warning eminent in her eyes. "Angel, I'm fine." 

Angel became more insistent. "Are you sure?" 

"Stop fussing." Cordelia hissed under her breath, as she tried to avoid Anya's curious gaze. 

"I'm not - "

"Yes you are - " 

"Oh hey, I don't think you guys have met Tara yet." Willow burst out, eager to break the tension. 

Angel and Cordelia both leaned forward slightly, suddenly aware that their private bickering at in fact, been pretty public and was verging on the embarrassing. Realising this in tandem, they both sighed somewhat sheepishly and turned their attention to Willow, who quickly introduced the timid girl next to her. 

Tara leaned into towards them slightly, her gaze fixed downward until the latest possible moment. Her pretty features were slightly obscured by the veil of ash blonde hair that swept across her face, but Cordelia noted her large and welcoming eyes and gave her a wide smile in return. "Hi. It's nice to meet you." 

Angel grinned slightly boyishly, amusing Buffy who had been carefully surveying Angel and Cordelia's interactions. She just could not get over the changes that these few years had wrought in Angel, and maybe to an even larger degree, in Cordelia. These people who had hardly said more than a few words to each other in the space of three years were now so close, so comfortable with each other that it had wrought changes in both their characters. Angel actually smiled now which was a definite change for the good. And Cordelia showed a surprising ability to listen, really listen, to people and to give advice that actually didn't suck. 

The group was chatting more freely now, the initial wave of discomfort over the strangeness of the night's dinner dissipating like morning mist with the sun. Tara had gotten Willow talking about the art of witchcraft, and the various magic and strange phenomena that they had encountered, and Angel reciprocated by describing some of the strange events that the Angel Investigations team had experienced in L.A., culminating in an exciting narration by Cordelia about their adventures in Pylea. 

Dawn's eyes went wide with interest and she suddenly asked, "Wow, you guys went to another dimension that ... actually wasn't a hell dimension?" 

"Yeah, well ... According to Lorne - he's a demon that reads auras - it kind of _is _a hell dimension." 

"In the sense that they had no music, which meant no singing, no lullabies ..." Angel elaborated. 

"And also the fact that they treated people like cows - slaves. But they made me Princess." Cordelia added, almost as an after note.

"But then we overthrew the governing Trombli -"

" - because they were evil and wanted to kill everyone ..."

" ... And then we found a portal ... "

" ... with Fred's help ... " Cordelia added with a significant look. 

" ... And got back to L.A. _With _my car." Angel grandly finished, as if that had been the most important thing about the entire episode. 

Xander was staring at them as if they had suddenly grown two heads. "Do you guys share a brain or something?" 

Cordelia and Angel looked slightly embarrassed, and Cordelia quickly diverted his focus by changing the subject. "So, where is Mr. Tweed Librarian anyway?" 

Willow and Buffy haltingly explained why Giles was no longer living in Sunnydale, or America for that matter, while Spike looked on. 

"So he's in the mother country? Even when he knew about you ...? " Cordelia let herself trail off. 

"Well I think he likes his tea, and apparently American teas aren't tea-ish enough for him." Buffy joked, her eyes downcast. 

Achingly aware that Cordelia had hit a sensitive subject, Angel quickly changed the topic of conversation to a more cheerful one. Turning to Xander and Anya, he asked, "So ah ... you guys set a date for the wedding yet?" 

The subject seemed to produce a two-fold effect. Anya's face immediately burst into radiance at the mention of the wedding plans and she started chatting animatedly about their preparations, while Xander's features took on a more studied expression, remaining a mask of contentment. To Cordelia it seemed as if he was determined to not betray his real emotion, whatever that may be. 

"We're up to the guest list and I had no idea how much trouble it is. You know, some people actually said that they weren't going to come if we were inviting demons. They're afraid of getting eaten." 

"Yeah ... who knew people could be so particular about _that_." Cordelia smiled half-sympathetically, her twinkling eyes catching Angel's. "Bummer." 

"I mean, how could they? This is my wedding, and they're not going to come just because they're afraid of getting eaten? How rude is that?" Anya huffed, leaning back on the chair, a pout forming on her lips. 

Spike piped up, smirking. "I'd imagine it wouldn't be a big turn on, getting all spruced up on your own dough just to be some vengeance demon's bloody main course." 

"Well, they should know that vengeance demons don't eat people. We just curse them to death." 

"Maybe you could, you know ..." Tara spoke up. " ... explain things a little on the invitations. Like ... 'No demon will eat any person bearing gifts' ... " 

"Yeah, and that way, you'd be sure of getting really expensive presents." Cordelia jumped in. 

"And ... you could put little smiley faces so people would know it's a happy thing." Willow chirped in helpfully. 

"Well ..." Anya huffed. "I suppose that could work. It should work. We're spending a lot of Xander's hard earned money on it." 

"I'm sure it'll be perfect." Cordelia said warmly. "Anyway I'm happy for you guys. It's weird how things work out, isn't it?" Her words made her pause as she glanced around the table, her gaze settling on Buffy. Far from being the Cordelia of old who in principle had not believed in the concept of tactfulness, she was now, through the experiences that her visions had given her, almost hypersensitive about the feelings of others. Especially after that talk she had shared with the petite Slayer in the kitchen just an hour or so ago. 

Buffy sighed melodramatically and the tiniest hint of a smile graced her pretty features. "I don't know about things working out, but ..." Buffy sneaked a glance at Spike, " ... it's interesting how things change. And ... interesting's good." 

"Yeah, it is." Xander added quietly, complete understanding emanating from his bright brown eyes. "Maybe we should propose a toast ..." He held up his glass. "To change." The rest of the table followed suit, even Spike, who despite a half-smirk on his face leaned in towards Buffy and lifted his glass along with the group. 

Angel raised his glass and paused, before adding. "To friends." 

"To life." Buffy added quietly, looking at Willow and Xander meaningfully, her round blue eyes glistening with emotion. Her eyes met Cordelia's in the ensuing silence, and they both knew that keeping to the spirit of the toast was going to be one of the hardest challenges in their short but eventful lives. 

(c) March 2002


	12. Part 12

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

__

Once again, thank you to all the wonderful, kind feedback. I was partially stuck halfway through this part, and your kind words really encouraged me to keep going. So - thanks! *s*

****

*~*~ Part Twelve ~*~*

"So what do you think's going on with Buffy?" 

Cordelia snapped her attention back to the present. Ever since the moment that she had decided to inform Angel about her 'condition', she had been preoccupied with asking herself whether it was exactly the right decision. It was in a way both lucky and unlucky that Xander and the rest of the Scoobies had decided to, at right that instant, stomp all over the most important revelation to Angel of her life, and thus give her more wrinkle-inducing anxiety - not that she actually had any wrinkles - so far her skin was still surprising supple and fresh, the big payoff from constant moisturising ... which wasn't really the point at all. 

It was lucky because even now, Cordelia wasn't quite sure that she really wanted Angel to know that she was dying. It was also unlucky because ... Angel _didn't _know she was dying. 

There she had said it. For months now the quiet certainty had crept into her subconscious and then gradually into her conscious mind, giving her more and more minute signs and moments and clues as to her eventual demise. She had tried to ignore it, banned herself from even contemplating such a possibility was, well, possible and assuring herself that sheer willpower alone would get her through the ordeal. And when her willpower began to fail, when her wall of steady resolve began to crumble with the increasing intensity of the pain, when she saw evidence of her deteriorating condition slowly unmasked in front of her still disbelieving eyes - she had resorted to reason. Logic. 

She was a loyal servant of the Powers That Be, who were the good guys, and good guys were always good, and they would never let someone innocent die for no good reason ... right? 

But the doubts even found her there. Her reason and logic turned against her - yes, it was true that the Powers were the protectors of the innocent, but ... what about those countless lives that had been lost to 'the mission', 'the fight'? Those that they could not save, and perished because of their failure? Images flashed through her mind - Doyle, sacrificing himself so others could live; Miss Calendar, brutally killed by Angelus because she had a way to restoring his soul; Gunn's sister ... the list was eternal. Infinite. What made Cordelia think she was any different? 

It was as though there were two Cordelias - one desperate to live, buoyed by a fiery tenacity for survival - and the other cold and calm, wanting to make the other half see what was really there, regardless of emotional consequences. She had worked herself up to the point where she felt certain that all the conflicting emotions that she had been harbouring over the past few months would erupt into something decidedly yucky. 

"Cordelia?" Xander's questioning eyes wandered over her face, deftly absorbing her confusion. "Are you ... is it a vision headache?" 

Anya, Willow and Tara looked on with worried expressions. "Huh?" 

"You seemed to be in a trance or something. Are you all right?" 

Cordelia tried to laughed her melancholy off, wishing that she didn't have to repeat the 'I'm fine, no really' performance with this audience. "Was there drool?" 

"Not detectable to the naked eye." Xander's brown eyes twinkled. "I was just asking, in a 'let's get some conversation started so we don't have awkward silence' way, what you thought Buffy was doing." 

"Buffy? I ..." Cordelia's mind jolted quickly back to the present scene, not wanting to cause any ripples in the pond of Scooby goodwill. "Uh, well ... I think, you know, she's going through a lot right now. She's got a lot of stuff to deal with and while sometimes she may not look happy, I think she just ... needs to work stuff out on her own, and that takes time, and ... did you know Angel sings Manilow in public and like, all the time?" 

Angel, who had been staring into space with a goofy half-grin on his face, snapped up with indignation so fast most of his soda went flying out of the glass he was clutching. "I ... don't." He said lamely. 

Xander brushed the scary visual away as his attention returned to Cordelia. "Oh-kay. Actually, I meant what Buffy was doing in the kitchen." 

"Oh," Cordelia gave a tiny nervous laugh, "right. That's exactly what I was thinking ... You know, with the issues ... in the kitchen." 

Spike puffed out a billow of smoke, a derisive grin on his chiselled features. "You?" he chortled loudly, looking at Angel. "Sing? I've heard you 'sing' in your big bad days. Honestly old poof, I don't think that qualifies as singing. More like 'torture by a thousand butchered notes'. Or 'torture by getting people to rip out their own ears so they don't have to hear you sing." He held his hand up. "I think it'd rank right up there with Chinese water torture and -" 

"Shut up Spike." Angel was practically gnawing at his teeth, his dark eyes narrowing in dislike. "You should talk. You had more people trying to rip out their own ears with your bloody awful poetry. I think I actually caught someone trying to jump over a wall terrified that they weren't running fast enough to get away from your bloody - awful - poetry." 

Spike scowled, taking another puff of his cigarette. "There once was a poof called Angel, who couldn't tell his arse from his -"

"You know what you two remind me of?" Dawn suddenly said, interrupting their repartee with a wicked grin on her face. "An old married couple." She grinned cheekily at the two vampires, while Anya and Willow stifles their giggling in the background. Tara cover her mouth, unsuccessfully preventing red wine from leaking out of her convulsing mouth. Cordelia and Xander openly smirked. 

"We - we don't," Spike spluttered, "oh sod off." 

Angel sprang up, eager to get away from the barely muffled laughter. "I think I'll see what Buffy's doing in the kitchen." He said desperately, glancing at Cordelia with a twinge of laughter in his voice. 

"No singing!" Xander called after him good-naturedly, which earned him a sharp poke on the side from Cordelia. 

"That's my champion you're talking about, cretin boy. No one's allowed to tease him but me." 

Spike suddenly got off the couch, grumbling about the amount of Angel-related talk. "That's it. Little bit, want to play some rummy?" 

Dawn got up from the floor, stretching out her long slim legs. "Sure." 

Anya piped up eagerly, "Ooh, will there be gambling involved? Any money that can change hands, like, to me?" Spike shrugged while Dawn produced a deck of cards and headed towards the dining table, shuffling the deck expertly. 

Spike looked back at Anya. "Well, waiting for engraved invites or something?" He looked in exasperation at her blank face. "Are you playing or what?" 

With a "Ooh yes", Anya gave a quick kiss to Xander and leaped off the floor. Willow and Tara likewise stood up. 

"We're just going to go upstairs for a moment ... long day." Willow explained. "We'll be back down soon." 

With a shy departing smile from Tara, the pair went upstairs and disappeared from view. Cordelia and Xander were left smiling blankly at each other. 

"Is it just me, or did I manage to scare everyone away with my terrifying silence?" Cordelia commented jokingly. 

"Personally I think it was the scary visual of Spike and Angel as a married couple that did it." Xander replied, a smirk on his broad face. 

Cordelia couldn't stop herself from grinning at the Spike and Angel image. She screwed up her face in disgust. "Ew. And ick, and more ew. Bad, bad image." Her grin faded as her expression got serious. "But I'm glad we've got some time to talk now." 

"Yeah?" Xander unconsciously back away. "About what?" 

"You." Cordelia leaned in, her tone serious. "Your wedding. Why do I get the impression that you're not exactly happy about it?" 

Xander looked at her steadily, his brown eyes darkening in rising panic. "I'm happy." He said defensively. "I'm very happy." 

"Come on Mr. Happy." Cordelia's earnest hazel orbs looked into the confused well of emotion in his brown ones. "You can't fool me that easily. I've dealt with King of Brood and King of Repressed Emotions for too long to be fooled _that _easily. There's something you're not saying." She lifted her brows in emphasis. 

Xander's face remained immobile for a few moments, then as if making a decision within himself his brow furrowed in resolution. "It's not that I'm not happy. I am - happy. It's just ... confusion, death and confusion abound." 

Cordelia's forehead creased into a frown of concentration. "You mean ... confusion about marriage, Buffy's death and confusion about marriage?" 

"Yeah." He sighed. "I asked Anya to marry me just before ... before we all went up against Glory that last time. Things were desperate and confusing, and I ... I kinda found Anya comforting. I found 'us' comforting." He lowered his eyes. "You know I thought we were going to die for sure this time." 

"Why?" Cordelia quietly asked. 

Xander gave a short, sharp laugh. "We were fighting a hell God, you know? I mean it just seems that, every year we'd have to fight bigger badder Big Bads. I thought the Master was scary. I thought the Mayor was as much fun as big giant snake could get at Graduation. Then we had indestructible robot guy on his indestructible rampage of death and what d'ya know - our next step up was a hell God from Hell. I mean," he looked at her fervently, his eyes shining with rare emotion, "there just has to be an end somewhere, you know? I figured it was the end last year, but ..." 

"... you survived." She finished off. "You survived ... and now you're terrified of the consequences."

Xander expelled a deep breath. "I can't believe I just told you that." 

"Yeah well I'm a good listener. And a good talker, and well - good all round." She smiled suddenly, lighting up her whole face with warmth and compassion. "I can't believe I'm saying this to you because, well - it's you ... but I think you might be thinking too much about this. You're thinking 'Gosh, I'm going to be married soon which means I need to be an actual adult with a good job to provide for my family, and when my kids grow up they'll need a college fund because - of course they're going to go to college - and after they go, you'll have nothing to do but play golf and die'. It's like you're thinking it's the rest of your life, which in a way it is, but life isn't like that Xander." She paused, a crooked smile playing at the edges of her mouth. "Life isn't like a straight line that you go from A to B. There are other places, like Cs and Ds and maybe even an E. You just have to make sure that you want to marry her because you love her, and not think about all the other million things that may follow from that." 

Xander nodded, absorbing the information. "Man, you're good. I bow to your infinite wisdom." 

"I know. Just think about what I said ... in the silence of your own home." She grinned impishly at him. "Now go and see what Angel and Buffy are up to in the kitchen. I want my dessert." 

"As you wish." Xander mock bowed, and hesitated. "Thanks Cordy. You're a life saver." 

Her smile faltered slightly, but she waved him away. "Go, I need my chocolate fix." 

And Xander went to the kitchen, disappearing from her view. 

(c) March 2002


	13. Part 13

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

****

*~*~ Part Thirteen ~*~*

Cordelia rubbed her bleary eyes and sighed. While it had been fun catching up with the Scoobies and seeing the changes that had taken place in everyone, she now wished that the night would end sooner rather than later. She had not had enough time to recuperate properly from the earlier vision that had racked her body and she felt her energy sapping further away as the night wore on. It had been one thing to sit down and have dinner at Buffy's; it was quite another to pretend - all night long - that she was fine and that the headache wasn't slowly getting to her. 

She asked herself why she bothered putting up with the charade. It wasn't that she wanted to be a saint or a martyr for Angel - because duh, how grotesque would St. Cordy sound - it was more her stubborn pride that propelled her to keep up the appearance that she was the very picture of health. It was a remnant from her Queen C days and she had been glad that it was still part of her because really, she wouldn't be Cordelia without the stubbornness ... just as she wouldn't be Cordelia without the visions. 

"Hey." She sensed, rather than saw, Angel sidle up behind her and wrap his strong arms around her waist in a surreptitious embrace. He had leaned into the crook of her neck slightly and she could feel the exhalations of breath that accompanied every word he gently whispered in her ear. "Just a little longer, then we'll go okay?" 

She smiled gratefully, although she was pretty sure that from his position behind her he'd miss it. She briefly considered putting on the brave front she had been putting on all night for the benefit of the others, but she was just too tired now to be anything but truthful. Plus, this was Angel - her Angel - who she could no more fool than if it had been herself. "I'm just so tired." 

"I know." He whispered quietly, and tendrils of his unnecessary breathing rippled over her skin. She was acutely aware of his body behind hers, a reassuring weight that somehow anchored her to the reality of the moment, and drawing her attention away from the thousand minute explosions of pain that were ricocheting inside her head. "After we leave, I'm going to drive -" 

"- to Vegas?" 

"To Vegas, and you're going to have a nice long sleep in the car with the top down and the stars will be shining bright, and if you're really lucky ..." 

"What?" She chuckled. 

"If you're really lucky I won't sing."

"And then what're we going to do?" She asked, turning her face around.

"We're going to one of those ... "

"... Casinos?" 

"Casinos, and we can stay there for a few days and you can play with my money, how does that sound?" 

Her eyes shone as she tilted her face up to his, becoming lost in its intense depths. Cordelia's eyes travelled down his angelically sculpted face and suddenly, he was leaning in, closer and closer and for once her mind was stilled, vacuous in anticipation of Angel's sweet kiss. "I think that sounds ... just right." 

Their lips met; chaste and hesitant at first and in many ways it felt like their first real kiss, both of them taking time to gently explore each other's mouths. His kiss earlier in the day had been hungry, ferocious and had overloaded her senses so much it had almost incapacitated her ability to respond. But this kiss ... this was pure Angel, his insecurity about their newly revealed feelings for each other potent in every nip, every movement and was so slow and delicious that it seared, rather than overloaded her senses, so that she was able to sense every noticeable tense and release of his jaw, his lips ... 

There was noticeable coughing behind them, making them almost spring apart. Cordelia and Angel whirled around to find Xander standing awkwardly behind them at the entrance of the dining room, pretending to be engrossed in a framed painting that hung on one of the walls just next to him. Behind him, Buffy was motionless, standing awkwardly with both hands on a somewhat lopsided chocolate cake, looking simultaneous stunned and uncomfortable. Anya came sideling up to hook an arm around Xander's, both she and Dawn with their mouths agape in surprise and interest, while Spike coolly lit another cigarette and lounged against the door frame, puffing with detached disinterest. 

Cordelia exhaled and laughed lightly, trying to brush away the awkward silence. "I guess the proverbial cat's out of the proverbial bag." 

Xander piped up as he walked further into the dining room. "I think the proverbial cat's jumped out of the proverbial bag and has gone a-skipping away from its proverbial litter." 

"Cat's don't skip." Anya added helpfully. 

"And you people have an unhealthy obsession with cats." Spike drawled. 

Before a chorus of 'shut up Spike's could be heard, Buffy hurriedly placed the chocolate cake she had been toting onto the table in front of them and said with a false lightness, "Okay, chocolate cake's ready." She repeated the call loudly to Willow and Tara, who were still ensconced upstairs and a moment later the clatter of their combined footfalls could be heard. 

This effectively drew Xander's attention away. Like a lost ship to a beacon of light, he zeroed in on the cake, which dripped slightly with icing. "Mmmm, chocolate cake." He moaned, much in the style of Homer Simpson. "Full of nutritious chocolately goodness." 

Dawn stared at Xander. "I don't think 'nutritious' and 'chocolate' can even be in the same sentence." 

Anya's forehead creased in criticism as Willow and Tara arrived, looking hungrily at the cake. "It's lopsided." 

"Well," Buffy replied with an injured tone, "I didn't have much time to prepare. And I was distracted." She looked pointedly at Spike, who pretended to not have noticed her stare. "You can still eat it ... it's still full of chocolately goodness. And Angel put some icing on so it might taste a bit different." She blurted out. 

Xander's hand froze, his piece of cake already halfway to his mouth. "What?" He looked at the cake as if it had been poisoned, or laced with some horribly debilitating drug. "It doesn't have any blood in it or anything, does it?" 

The others were still staring incredulously at Angel, who Cordelia knew, would've blushed if not for the vampire situation. "Oh for goodness sakes." She huffed in exasperation. "Just because a vampire's on a liquid diet doesn't mean he can't cook or anything. Angel's a great cook -" Angel, who was growing steadily embarrassed by the continued staring, motioned for her to stop, but she swatted his hand impatiently away, "I mean, his omelettes taste omelette-y, his chocolate fudge brownies taste - oh my god - fudge-y and chocolate-y and his marinara pasta is to die for." She paused. "Well, you know what I mean. And his pancakes -"

"Oh-kay Cordy I think they get the idea." He half-seriously wrapped his arm around her head, using his hand to cover her mouth briefly before being playfully elbowed away by Cordelia.

Spike took his cigarette out of his mouth. "Do you do Buffalo wings too, mate?" he asked curiously. Angel, expecting another string of insults from the bleached vampire was stunned momentarily into silence. 

"No." 

Spike shrugged his shoulders. "Well you're a boring git then aren't you?" 

Dawn elbowed Spike in the ribs and smiled sweetly at Angel. "Well, I'm going to try it." And without further ado, she bit into the cake, chewed ... and stilled. 

"Well?" Xander asked.

She resumed chewing, and everyone besides Angel and Cordelia watched on with breathless anticipation. She swallowed - and smiled. "It's delicious." She turned to her sister. "You should try some." 

Dawn's endorsement had the effect of a starting gun to an eagerly anticipated race. In an instant Xander had a mouthful of the chocolate cake in his mouth and was nodding his approval to both Buffy and Angel; Buffy was nibbling daintily on the icing and finding herself enjoying her own chocolate cake like she had never before; Tara was smiling and trying to feed Willow a small piece, who still showed some reluctance; Dawn was starting on her second piece of cake and even Spike was tempted by the overtly displayed enthusiasm to put out his cigarette and try some cake. Only Anya didn't try the cake because she didn't like chocolate; chocolate reminded her of easter eggs, which reminded her of bunnies, and they were bad, bad things. 

Cordelia whose appetite was inversely influenced by the pain in her head, felt she couldn't possibly down an entire piece of cake - even if it had Angel's delicious icing on it - so she found herself scraping the icing off the surface of the cake and licking it off her fingers. It wasn't the most graceful way she could have imagined eating a piece of cake in front of the Scoobies, but it was all she could manage. 

Angel nudged her on the side. "Can't finish it?" 

She smiled ruefully. "Sorry. Despite your world famous chocolate icing - you _know _how much I love it right? I'm not that hungry. If Gunn was here, he'd probably finish the entire cake off, then ask - 'Yo dog, what's for dinner'?" 

He chuckled softly. "Yeah." He took the plate from her, his fingers brushing hers gently, sending sparks of electricity coursing through her body. "Let me try some of that." 

He reached out with his other hand but Cordelia stopped him. She tore a small piece of the cake from the plate, reached up and held it up to the entrance of his mouth. Angel looked at her quizzically for an instant before his features brightened in understanding, a small laugh escaping from the depths of his throat. He opened his mouth, keeping his dancing eyes trained on hers, while she deposited the cake, icing and all, squarely into his mouth. 

She found herself becoming transfixed by the sight of Angel's jaw, as it rhythmically moved up and down, chewing the cake that he could not really taste on account of the small fact that he wasn't human. He didn't need the cake, or any other food, to survive. But here he was, in the company of people, chewing and eating and talking, and trying to not look too much like a pig in front of Buffy or Xander ... fitting in. Or trying to fit in. Being more human than he had ever been while both of them had been in Sunnydale. 

And suddenly she realised - that it was real. She and Angel had changed each other, and that change was real. She had become a better person because he had found her when she had most needed his help, had accepted her into his fold even though he had no real use for her at the office. And he? He had become more human, more open and ready to communicate, because she would never take no for an answer and she always exasperated him enough to draw his emotions visibly out, something that he could never have done brooding away by himself. 

It was a bit silly to think that eating a piece of cake had served to draw her relationship with Angel into focus. She felt as if a veil had been lifted from her eyes; she realised that the months she had spent convinced that she needed to conceal the truth from Angel about the state of her health had made her lose sight of the true nature of their unique partnership. It boiled down to one simple, irrefutable fact - that for better or worse, they needed each other. They needed each other like toast needed butter, like grass needed water, like ... well, she couldn't really think of anything else. He had needed support when he thought Buffy had died for good, so she had been there for him to talk to or to just sit in companionable silence. She had needed to get away from their hectic L.A lifestyle, so he had taken her on a road trip. When he needed blood, she was always the first to go out to the butcher's and get some for him before he ran out. When the visions made her want to collapse in pain, he was there with painkillers and a cool hand to soothe her throbbing temples. She defended his cooking ability in the face of a disbelieving audience. She couldn't finish her cake, so he ate it for her. It was an endless cycle, from big things like grieving for a friend, to little things like finishing her piece of cake. He helped her and she helped him; he needed her and ... she needed him. 

Once the realisation hit her, it was impossible for Cordelia to discount it. Looking up into Angel's intense eyes, as chocolately brown as the last piece of chocolate cake in her hand, she knew that she needed to tell him that she was dying. She needed for him to know, that one day soon, she would no longer to be able to keep his fridge stocked with blood, or to irritate him into conversation, or to make him laugh with her insane and unique Cordelia logic. But most of all ... she needed him. Now, more than ever. 

Angel caught the seriousness behind Cordelia's eyes, and gave her a puzzled frown. He caught an inkling of the impending darkness behind her hazel orbs, but little did he know what those expressive orbs were concealing in its watery depths. 

(c) March 2002


	14. Part 14

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

_Author's Note:_

Firstly, I owe everyone a huge honking apology for having taken so long _in getting this next part out. I'm afraid I can only offer the feeble excuse of the stresses of RL - in particular the starting a new job and coming home unable to even look at the computer, much less try to write a story out. However, all's well that ends well, because I've finally managed to finish this story._

In case I don't say this enough - thanks to everyone who has ever taken the trouble to give me feedback on this story. I hope you're not too disappointed by the long wait I made you go through, and I hope that you know each and every piece of encouragement you gave to me was very much appreciated, and gave me the impetus to go on and finish it. Thank you! 

****

*~*~ Part Fourteen ~*~*

Buffy sighed as she watched Angel and Cordelia readying to leave, surprisingly happy at the way the night had managed to turn out. She had invited Angel and Cordelia on a whim, and she had been no less surprised than he was when the invitation had popped out of her mouth that afternoon. 

But things had turned out okay - in fact, more than okay. She admitted to herself that while it would take a long, long time for her to really let go of Angel and their past love and regrets, she could still say with certainty that she didn't exactly hate the idea of Angel moving on and finding love with another woman. In his case, Cordelia. 

Buffy frowned slightly, creasing her flawlessly golden skin. It rankled her pride slightly that Angel had chosen Cordelia - of all people - to be with, but she hurriedly pushed her resentment away. Perhaps if this had happened before she had died, before she had known how precious life really was, it would have destroyed any future friendship she might have shared with Angel. She was almost sure that she wouldn't have been able to accept the situation so quickly, nor as maturely. 

She shrugged mentally. Yes, the change would take time to get used to, but she was determined that eventually, she would really and truly be happy for them without the insistent rankling that accompanied thoughts of them together and happy, sharing each other's lives as she and Angel had never shared theirs. It would just take some time to wrap her heart around it. 

She smiled slightly. Time was something she actually had. 

"Okay." Buffy was jogged out of her thoughts by Cordelia's smiling face, Angel standing behind her, a hand placed on her shoulder. "We ah, we should get going now." 

"Yeah." The others crowded around them, and as a group they made for the door. Cordelia and Angel turned around to face them. 

"Well ..." Cordelia trailed off, unsure how to bid them good bye. The thought that it was possibly the last that she would see all of them screamed inside the recesses of her brain, but she resolutely pushed it to the back of her mind. She wasn't about to get all maudlin and teary-eyed now. "Well ..." 

"You guys have a safe trip." Xander detached himself from Anya and hugged Cordelia tightly, the sliver of genuine emotion that escaped him causing her to tremble slightly. He let go and shook Angel's hand, a manly gesture that did not escape either of them. "You take care of her, okay?" 

Angel nodded slightly, understanding flowing from his eyes. "With my life." 

Xander nodded back, melting back into the group. The others quickly crowded around Angel and Cordelia, wishing them both a good trip and saying their good-byes. Anya waved and said a cheery, "Good bye. Bring some expensive gifts to our wedding." Dawn came forward and hugged both Angel and Cordelia, slightly teary, while Spike watched on rolling his eyes. Tara managed a softly spoken but heart warming farewell, while Willow whispered, "Don't be strangers. Keep in touch." 

After Angel and Cordelia had disentangled themselves from the multitudes of farewells and good-byes, there was only one person left. 

Buffy held the door open, the fresh night breeze blowing wisps of her golden hair around her petite features. Her blue eyes glimmered with emotion in the pearly glow of the moon light, but when she spoke, her voice was steady. 

"Bye Angel." She whispered, while the others trotted back into the house, eager to give Buffy privacy to send off her past. 

Angel took a moment to absorb her features, the features that he had once worshipped and had loved so much, those beautiful eyes that had alternately haunted his dreams and given him life. He could hardly believe that his life had taken on such a strange turn - that he was embracing a girl he had once loved, and going back to his current life with the woman he now loved - he wouldn't have been able to quite believe his senses, if he had not seen the changes that were now so starkly evident in the contours of Buffy's face. Those eyes, once so lively and streaked with the lightness in her soul, were now dark and tormented. 

Cordelia stood somewhat awkwardly to the side, carefully avoiding the rampant emotion that was evident in both their faces. She didn't mind in the slightest. After all, if she had shared the passionate love that they had, she would have found it hard to say good bye to it too. 

She shifted slightly. Okay, while it was true that she didn't exactly _mind _them showing their feelings for each other, she really didn't like feeling excluded. Because that was what she was feeling at the moment. Cordelia was very conscious of the fact that she would never be able to share a part of Angel's life; that part that Buffy had shared with him, the part that Buffy had played in starting Angel off on his journey to redemption. 

She felt a momentary twinge of jealousy before brushing it off. It was unreasonable to think that any one person could share in everything that a person had experienced in their lives. It was true that she would never share that part of his life with him, but she had her fair share of memories and moments with him to hold on to, and that was enough for her. 

As Angel and Buffy disentangled themselves from each other, Cordelia's thoughts fleetingly wondered whether there was any emotion left for them to get back together after Cordelia finished the dying thing. Sure they were all cosy 'we'll always love each other' friends now, but how much would the equation change after she died? Of course, she fully trusted that Angel would brood away the better part of a year after her ... absence, but after that - would they be able to get back together? Would they want to? Would Buffy comfort him the way Cordelia had comforted him after Buffy had died? And when she was safely rotting away in her grave, when Angel finally accepted that she was gone, would Angel and Buffy find each other again and start a new life? 

She shook herself as she dismissed It was morbid and scary to think of life without her, and besides, it was really gross to think of herself rotting away in some grave. Argh. 

Angel noticed her shuddering and instinctively wrapped his arms around her against the chill night air. To him the occasion felt momentous - that somehow, by saying good bye to Buffy now, he was also saying good bye to their past as well. He thought that he had more or less put the past behind him when he had gradually accepted Buffy's death; but in fact, her resurrection had given them both the rare chance to set things right and make a new beginning - a beginning to match their new lives - away from each other, but not necessarily apart. 

Angel gazed one last time into Buffy's deep blue orbs, those orbs now twinkling and shining with emotion as she smiled back at him. He knew he would remember the moment for the rest of his life. 

"Good-bye Buffy." He softly said. He turned around quickly and retreated into the night to wait for Cordelia. To other people his farewell would have seemed cursory and cold; but he knew that Buffy would understand how hard it was for him to say good bye to her like this - he knew she felt the significance of their parting too. He knew it because he could see it in her eyes as he took his last look at her face, gleaming in the pearly glow of the moon light. 

Buffy gazed after Angel, longing and gladness etched clearly on the smooth contours of her face. She blinked, causing a single tear to escape from her shining orbs. She brushed it quickly away as she became conscious of Cordelia's penetrating and unapologetic gaze. 

Buffy looked into Cordelia's earnest brown eyes, breaking the tension with a small laugh. "So ..." 

"So ..." Cordelia replied, mirroring her awkwardness. It felt strange ... she felt strangely connected to Buffy tonight and it was difficult to let go. To Cordelia, it was as if she had found someone who she knew she could be good friends with, if only she had more time to get to know them. If only she had more time ... Cordelia knew that time was a commodity that she definitely didn't have a lot of at the moment. 

Buffy seemed to have come to a similar realisation. Rubbing her hands together in against the chill, she shivered involuntarily. "So ... I guess I'll see you ... sometime." 

"Yeah." Cordelia replied, mustering the last vestiges of her energy and funnelling it into her falsely bright tone. "Yeah, see you ... around." 

With that she turned to go, but she hadn't even stepped off the porch when she heard Buffy calling after her, her steps heavy against the stillness of the evening. "Cordelia ... wait." Cordelia turned around, unsure of what Buffy was going to say. At the back of her mind, she knew that Buffy wouldn't say anything to damage her emotional well-being, but still ... she wasn't really in the mood to insulate herself against any surprises either. 

"Cordelia ..." Cordelia trained her eyes on Buffy, half-curious and half-afraid of what Angel's past love would say. She hoped it wouldn't be anything in the general vein of the 'if you hurt Angel I'll come after you with my super Slayer strength and make you regret you were ever born' speech. Buffy was too nice of a person to say that ... wasn't she? 

Cordelia found that she was holding her breath as she stared intently at Buffy, her demeanour expectant. Buffy likewise looked harassed, as if she was having difficulty making herself say whatever it was she waned to say. 

She saw Buffy take a deep calming breath. Finally the Slayer exhaled. Buffy looked straight into Cordelia's hazel eyes and said beseechingly, "Tell him. Tell him about you ... or you'll always regret it." 

Buffy's sincere tone caught Cordelia completely off guard, and several moments passed before she could form a reply, but even then, she found that she was nowhere near the level of coherency that she usually attained. "Buffy ..." 

But the blonde cut her off gently. "Trust me Cordelia. Please - tell him." And with that she silently turned around and closed the door behind her, leaving Cordelia staring blankly into the empty space where the Slayer had been just moments before. 

"Cordy?" Angel's voice broke Cordelia out of her trance, and she whirled around quickly, covering her confusion with expertise. "You ready to go?" 

She looked at him for a moment, her eyes luminous in the moon light. "Yes, Angel ... I'm ready." 

***

Buffy paused in the middle of washing the dishes, her mind whirling with thoughts of Angel and Cordelia, her and Spike, her and Dawn, Xander and Anya, Willow and Tara and Giles ... and how life had changed for all of them. No one could have predicted that Xander would be the first out of the old gang to be getting married, same as no one could have known that Willow would become the powerful witch that she now was. When Buffy had sent Angel to hell, had asked him to close his eyes for her to kiss him good bye, with tears streaming silently down her face, no one could have known that one day he would be returned, and move to L.A, and make another life for himself, one that really didn't include her. No one could have known, because life was unpredictable in that way. That was what Life was - unpredictable and unknowable; sometimes sad, sometimes surprising ... sometimes happy and interesting and comfortable.

Buffy let her arms go limp, staring blankly out into the darkness. The pale rays of the half-risen moon cast a pearly lustre over the neatly mowed lawn and the freshly trimmed hedge just outside her kitchen window. Above, set amidst the heavy darkness of the sky, the stars blinked and twinkled impishly, inviting her into its inky depths ... and suddenly Buffy realised something. 

She realised that she could see beauty in the darkness around her. She had never liked the darkness because it was a home to all the things she had learned to hate, all the demons and monsters that it was her mission to destroy. It had never appealed to her like the light of the day, with the sun and the sky and the birds chirping on cool crispy mornings - but now, looking out into the glistening night sky, she could see the beauty all around her. Beauty in the night time, the darkness that she had once thought was so empty and soulless. She had known - had somehow intrinsically known - that she had left the light forever when she had sacrificed herself to save her sister. She had known it when she had felt herself returning, coming back into the world when she had no right to, when she hadn't wanted to. She had pretended to everyone, including herself, that she was the same old Buffy - but she wasn't. She would never be. There was a darkness to her now that the old Buffy never had, because the old Buffy had been all about light and brightness and Sunday picnics and puppies running around in the sunshine. 

The new Buffy ... the new Buffy was calmer, more sedate, and ... darker. A fact that she had tried to hide from herself, terrified of its implications. But Angel had made her realise that it was okay to be different now - because she would never be the same person she had been before she had died. 

"Hey." The touch of Spike's familiarly soft leather duster against her back broke her out of her reverie. She felt one of his slightly cold hands placed hesitantly onto her shoulder, as if he was unsure of its reception. Her body froze ... then relaxed. 

Buffy was no longer afraid of the future. She was no longer afraid that the dark would swallow her whole, because she was part of it, and she realised that the dark didn't have to be evil or bad. It was just ... not light. 

A spectre of a smile crossed her face. She looked up, gazing intently at herself, feeling the presence of the vampire behind her despite her reflection on the window telling her otherwise. 

Buffy turned around, tilting her head up to meet Spike's intense gaze. "What do you say Slayer? Ready for a bit of a patrol around the old neighbourhood?" 

Without hesitation Buffy said simply, "I'm ready." 

(c) April 2002


	15. Part 15

****

Road Trip, Interrupted

By Viv

***~*~ Part Fifteen ~*~***

"Cordy, are you okay?" 

Cordelia turned to face Angel, the wind whipping her medium-length brown hair over her frowning face, her hazel eyes inexplicably sad under the clear light of the moon. 

They had been driving steadily for about an hour, the Plymouth's top down as always, and all during that time Cordelia had been silent. Which in Angel's extensive experience was not a sign of the good. To Angel, Cordelia was many things - beautiful, witty, clever, honest but irritating at times - but not silent. Never silent. 

Angel had the market cornered on silence and broodiness, and he had a radar about these sorts of things - namely, the brooding 'I've got something on my mind' kind of silence. And also the fact - and he couldn't stress this enough - that Cordelia wasn't talking. 

"Cordy?" He repeated, his voice edged with concern. Now he knew something was wrong. "What's wrong?" 

She continued to stare at him while he tried to stare back at her, not wanting to break their intense eye contact but not willing to drive them straight into a tree either. 

Finally he sighed and stared at the silently rolling white lines on the road just in front of him. Angel could feel that there was something she wanted to tell him, something big and major that she had kept from him until now because that was her way of trying to protect him from getting hurt. But he didn't want to push her. Somehow - he knew that she would tell him when she felt ready to do so. 

The silence dragged on. Angel tried to not notice her hazel orbs staring at him, nor feel the intensity of her gaze almost burning a hole through his undead skin. He swallowed, trying to relax his shoulders and chest muscles that were now knotted with tension. He wondered if he should say something - anything - just to fill in the obviously charged silence. 

"Angel, pull over." Angel's eyes snapped to Cordelia beside him, her eyes stonily downcast. He frowned, half from tension and half from irritation at her puzzling behaviour. 

"What?"

"Stop the car." She replied, her eyes still avoiding his. 

"Why?" 

"Just do it." She hissed, sounding both scared and annoyed at the same time. He opened his mouth to say something, but thought better of it. 

Angel slowed the car to a halt by the side of the road, the sound of the car's weight grating on the rough dirt and gravel surface under it the only sound in the silence of the night. He switched the ignition off, swivelled his body in the seat to face his Seer and waited. 

They sat like that for a few moments, Cordelia staring intently at a spot on the dashboard while Angel waited expectantly, a feeling of mounting fear and irritation bubbling up from inside him. There was something - something very, very bad, that Cordelia was going to tell him. Given time, he could probably have worked it out. 

But suddenly, Cordelia's entire body snapped to attention, as if she had been deliberating on a course of action and she now was decided on what she would do, or say to him. She turned to him and leaned in closer. Her hazel eyes were misty but strong as she whispered firmly, "Angel ... I'm dying." 

Angel opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. He swallowed - once, twice, a few more times, but his voice did not seem to work, which was stupid, because he had three really important things to say to her. Namely, 'You're not dying', 'you're not dying' and 'you're not dying - ever'. 

But he couldn't. In the intervening moments while he was waiting for his frozen consciousness to defrost, a dark, heavy certainty had crept into his mind - the visions. How many times had he noticed the way they had been affecting her? The way the vision headaches had been getting longer and more obvious, so obvious that she didn't even bother to try to cover them up any more. Her crying after nearly every vision now, not from the visions but from the pain caused by them. And lastly, the latest clue in a long, long list of clues - the post-vision bleeding. 

He sat immobile as a statue as the seconds ticked by. The seconds that meant that Cordelia was that much closer to - to not being here any more. To not being with him. 

"You're not -"

She placed a finger on his lips, silencing him with the pain he could see in her eyes. They had been through so much, had so many memories of all the incredible things that they had done, the beings they had defeated and yet - he could see, as clearly as if she had told him herself - that she believed this was the end. The end for her, at least. 

He had to give her hope. Because if there was one thing he had learned from living in this world, it was that there was always hope. And ... Cordelia needed hope to keep on trying, to keep on living. He needed to give himself that hope, because he could not imagine living without her by his side. 

She was crying now, her tears streaming silently down her face, made pale by the moonlight. He cupped her face gently, feeling the warmth of her despair burn his cold, marble-like skin. He forced her to meet his gaze, noting the trembling coursing through her entire body. 

"Cordy," he said softly, "we'll find a way. We'll find a way, okay?" She nodded mutely. "There's always a way. We'll ... we'll get Wesley to go through his books. And Lorne ... we'll get him to contact the Powers, see if we could -" 

"I'm so scared Angel." She cut him off, her voice making her sound oddly young and vulnerable. "I'm trying to be brave, but I'm so scared ... I don't want to die." 

"You won't." He muttered into her ear as she collapsed against his strong frame, sobbing into his shoulder. "I won't let you die Cordy." 

Angel looked out into the inky darkness around them, the silent mantra coursing through his veins. "I won't let you die Cordy. I'll never let you die." 

THE END

(c) April 2002


End file.
